minneapolis love

so as some know, I am a st. paul girl-so the move to minneapolis has somewhat been through clenched teeth. don't get me wrong, there are definitely many things i enjoy about minneapolis-however i grew in st. paul and have a fond place in my heart for it and it's old feel, as well as plenty of nostalgic memories to fill me up. one of the things i do love the most about minnepaolis is the closeness to so many lakes crammed together amidst a big city. the juxtaposition of beautiful creation and man made buildings and busy night life is something i love. i have the privilege to devote many hours running around those lakes, and it never ceases to bring me rest and thoughts of thankfulness. this evening in particular i was going around lake calhoun, and took particular notice to the fact that at least 6 different ethnicities were represented in that three mile jog. there is such a cornucopia of people-all colors and classes, young couples, elderly holding hands, friends catching up, families walking their dogs, teams training, etc. not to mention the variety of activities going on! People are walking, running, biking, rollerblading, wheel-cross country skiing, swimming, fishing, playing volleyball, grilling, sailing, kayaking, canoeing, there was even a guy on roller skates dancing, and these guys wearing a weird sort of skiboot bouncy contraption thing. This is all happening on one lake at one time in a three mile span! I love it. So much. After my run i collapsed on a bench by the playground and stared up into the trees. I was thinking how where ever i may be in the world, if i lay down and look up in the sky it always looks the same. It's the same bright blue, the same puffy clouds, the sound of wind blowing through the trees makes the leaves sound the same-i could be anywhere on earth. as i was pondering this thought, i heard at least three different languages going on around me at the park. I really could have been anywhere! It's a beautiful place to live. i love the diversity in people, activity, and sights. That is one reason i love minneapolis.

Beautiful Camping

I had a week off, actually 9 days, from Aveda before the 4th. I ended up going on a camping trip with the girls I work with in Beautiful. The Sanctuary CDC, which I work for, received a grant to send kids to camp so we quickly put something together to make it happen. We were searching for girls to go up until the day before, but somehow managed to get 8 girls to come-2 from Beautiful, 3 from Community Covenant Church, and 2 from random connections, as well as student leader who went through the Beautiful program about 3 years ago. So I ventured out to Camp Amnicon on Sunday afternoon up in Wisconsin past Superior. We spent one night at the camp in a cabin, and 3 nights camping on the river, and the last night sleeping under the stars on the shores of Lake Superior. This was a dream of mine to do last year-when I had a year's worth of relationship with the girls in the program, and I knew them well. This trip made me somewhat nervous, as I was going into it only knowing two of the girls. Although I have worked with a lot of youth in my life, most of that has been with youth from similar cultural backgrounds as me-which is comfortable, familiar, and somewhat predictable. With Beautiful, I have learned and grown a lot, as well as been extremely out of comfortability considering how different of a background most of the girls I work with have from me. There are different issues, different expectations, different ways of communicating, and it is not predictable to me. It took a solid year to build the trust and relationships I had with the girls I worked with last year. Given that perspective, I was more hesitant in my capabilities to lead this trip with a group of girls that I had not met. But I had to trust God to guide, go on the encouragement of those around me, and realize there wasn't anyone else to do this! I have to say, it was definitely a challenge. Canoeing and camping at new sites for 4 days is hard work for anyone, let alone girls who had never done it before, and some who didn't even want to come in the first place. Besides fear of ticks and poison ivy, there was intense fear of water and falling in, of not being able to canoe, of darkness, and the unknown. Amidst negative attitudes, persistent nagging to help the guides load and unload canoes, treks in the woods to gather firewood, setting up tents, cold weather-these girls really survived! I will not lie-there were intense moments, times of full out fights, coping with difficult home lives, and times of utter frustration for the girls-but it was something I would do again. (Maybe not for 6 days, and maybe not as intense of a camp....) I learned that these girls really can do anything, even if it seems impossible. I learned I do have the capabilities to lead, even if it is different than what is conventional, I learned to be the peace amidst the storm, I learned to patiently push forward and quietly encourage even if it seems useless. I felt much joy from seeing these 8 young women do something they had never done before, and pride in their abilities. I felt deeply saddened and totally confused (i still do) at some of the lives these girls have to live. There are no answers to my "whys" and I don't understand what it all means and what needs to be done. I was filled with laughter at the silliness of that middle school age, and also filled with sorrow for how much they experience in their young lives that should not be. I know God is faithful to His children, He knows how to reach across cultural barriers through a willing heart and gently teach and guide. Also there a lot of differences in our upbringing and what they are experiencing than what I did at that age, there is a lot the same. I found myself remembering back to those years in my life and remembering what I needed, what I thought was important, and trying to figure out who I wanted to be-and seeing myself in the girls I was with. That was delightful.
All in all, I am thankful I did this as I knew I would be. Was I ready to leave at the end? Oh yes-I fully reached my limit. In a good way ;)

books.

Post college I have been able to enjoy the luxury of reading. I love it, love learning and being challenged, and also enjoy entering into a good fiction book that brings me to another place. So I am going to give a REALLY brief review of the books that impacted me the most in the past year.

Jesus for President, by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw
I learned a lot about how kings, government, laws, etc. were throughout Biblical times and what Jesus did in light of that-not bringing God into the corrupt Roman government, but rather calls us to a totally radical new way of living. I learned and was challenged, and felt that it gave a good picture of how to respond to those sort of issues today.

Mother Teresa: Come be my Light
This book was terribly interesting. I love Mother Teresa and have read a lot about her, but this was very eye opening into her private light. She struggled immensely with something called "the dark night of the soul" and really didn't "feel" Jesus regularly, in fact she had feeling of God leaving her-yet she served faithfully anyway. It was intriguing and encouraging to read her inner life, not the life that others saw.

The Shack, by William P Young
The reason I liked this popular book is that it painted a picture of the Trinity in a very beautiful way that I had never imagined before, and I loved that.

Let Justice Roll Down, by Dr. John Perkins
This is more or less the story of his life and how God brought him to where he is at. It is incredible to read about the struggles he went through in the deep south during Jim Crow, yet followed God's persistent call to serve there.

Becoming the Answer to our Prayers, by Shane Claiborne and Jonathon Wilson-Hartgrove
This book was wonderful. Basically showing how God invites into community with Him to answer prayers, and into community with each other to do this with God. Very inspiring.

The Year of Living Biblically, by A.J. Jacobs
Aside from being very entertaining, I learned a lot too. This guy , who is agnostic, spent a year following the old testament laws literally. It is highly comically, but also since he draws wisdom rabbis and other spiritual leaders I learned a lot of the "why's" of the laws and also the Jewish customs that were on the old testament and then were a part of the culture that Jesus lived in.

Celebration of Discipline, but Richard Foster
Every Christian should read this book. It demonstrated beautiful ways to fall more in Love with Christ through so many different ways. I loved it, it was simple yet so profound.

The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr.
If you are interested in social justice and learning about the residual affects of slavery, Jim Crow, segregation, etc. has had and has now on how the US works, you will like this. It was inspiring to read this testimony of his faith and how above all what God was asking Him to do was what mattered most.

Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger, by Ronald J. Sider
Another one every Christian should read. These are issues that cannot be ignored, and we have to deal with our affluence in world where people die of hunger. It is intense but very informative and helps on this journey of learning and doing.

Everything Must Change, by Brian McLaren
He is one of my favorite authors, and this book really convicted be a pushed me into action. It is quite eye-opening. I also recommend the New Kind of Christan series by him as well.

an all time favorite that I read for fun and comfort is Heidi, by Johanna Spiri. You may think I am partial because of the name, but this book is so beautiful. It is the extraordinary faith of a small child that inspire those around her, and the appreciation and freedom of God's good earth, that resonate with me and give me joy! Another book series I read for fun is the Wizard of Oz series by Frank L Baum. They are so delightful and creative I can't wait to read them to my own children someday!

I am always open for book recommendations! Hope these inspire someone :)

loves

Those who know me know I love children. So much. These are the little loves that I see and love the most-My niece Aleeya, Stefanie and Mark's children Lucia and Sofia, and my friend Tryenyse's son Priest.

Priest Jones

Sofia is such a doll

Aleeya is my little love.

I am such a proud auntie!

This is little Lucia doing her animal sounds. It is so cute I must share it.

Let justice roll down....

I just finished reading the autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr. I was interested in reading it one, because hello he's interesting, and two because I feel like although i have good idea of what he was about I really wanted to dive deeper into his life. This book was wonderful because it revealed his inner life of seeking God as well as his personal thoughts of the happenings going on around him, as well as just his journey to how grew into man that he was.
Something that really makes me look up to him as not only someone who always stood for what his convictions, and not only as a really wise and intelligent man and theologian, was his incredible faith in a God who can do all things. His whole life was an outpouring of the inner relationship and commitment he had to Christ. Everything came from that, and not the other way around. That is the same way I feel about Mother Teresa. Above all, she wanted people to look to Christ, not to her, because everything she did was just a simple outpouring of the love that she experienced with her Savior. Martin Luther King stressed over and over that he just answered a call-he was in the right place in history and basically said yes to God-it could have been anyone. I love that because it puts into perspective our humanity. We are all only human, and God is going to do what He is going to do, He is just looking for people to say yes. As someone told me last night, God is at work and will accomplish His plans, if we want to join Him we can.
I thought I'd share some of the quotes that really stuck out to me as relevant for us today. It is interesting to read about the struggles that were going on in the late 60's, for when I look around we are still facing a lot of the same struggles. I wonder what MLK would think today if he looked around, still seeing some of the same mess. However I do think that as long as we are trusting in God, there is hope. That hope is what we can cling to.
In his Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech from 1964:
"I refuse to accept the cynical notion that nation after nation must spiral down a militaristic stairway into the hell of thermonuclear destruction. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. I believe that even amid today's mortar bursts and whining bullets, there is still hope for a brighter tomorrow. I believe that wounded justice, lying prostrate on the blood-flowing streets of our nations, can be lifted from this dust of shame to reign supreme among the children of men. I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality and freedom for their spirits. I believe that what self-centered men have torn down men other-centered can build up. I still believe that one day mankind will bow before the altars of God and be crowned triumphant over war and bloodshed, and nonviolent redemptive good will proclaim the rule of the land. "And the lion and the lamb shall lie down together and every man shall sit under his own vine and fig tree and none shall be afraid." I still believe that We Shall overcome!"

At the university of Olso, he gave a lecture which he presented what he believed to me the three largest issues we face. They are racial injustice around the world, poverty, and war. I think that is something to think about today.

A few years later he spoke out as an advocate for antiwar. He said "A nation that continues to year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death." In light of the war we are currently in, I think that is very true. I am continually appalled at the amount of money poured into the military per month in the U.S.

At one point when people were giving him a lot of criticism he said this: "They seem to forget that before I was a civil rights leader, I answered a call-and when God speaks, who can but prophesy? I answered a call which left the Spirit of the Lord upon me and anointed me to preach the gospel." The gospel of Christ and justice for the poor and oppressed were inseparable. I believe this to be true.

Another one I love " We are prone to judge success by the index of our salaries, or the size of our automobiles, rather than by the quality of our service and relationship to humanity."

The last thing I will leave you with is what he said in a speech regarding the Poor People's Campaign, which he launched before his death to address issues of economic injustice but was killed before he could see it come to fruition. These words are of a man who is living in the now, living a kingdom life, a bold and fearless life full of freedom: "It really doesn't matter what happens now.... some began to... talk about the threats that were out – what would happen to me from some of our sick white brothers.... Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place, but I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over, and I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land. And so I'm happy tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."

Sabbath Economics

I had the privilege of hearing a guy by the name of Ched Myers on two different occasions last weekend. (well, two weekends ago now) He spoke at Urban Jerusalem, the hip hop church I am a part of, as well as for Urban Homeworks and other small intentional living communities. I really appreciated what he had to say and learned a lot-and hopefully I will learn and grow in this more as I read some of his books!
The overall message is that God's dream, or original plans, for the economy is vastly different than how it looks. We are so far from what is laid out for us Biblically, as well as from the teachings of Jesus, in the way we spend our money it is hard to see how we can move away from it. I think for me, I have been so entranced by the world around me and the "norm" of the consumer oriented society I live in, I have come to accept it as the way it has to be. I am going to just go over some of the notes that I took that stood out to me, and hopefully be able to continue this conversation as I explore this more. God calls us to live in community and seek that out-the society we live in is always working against community. Society has us pull out of our home to work, people leaving their country to follow where the money is, there is a sacrifice of family for careers, always a sense of upward mobility, and the need to work up in wealth. All these things promote anxiety, addiction, and alienation. We have anxiety because we doubt, we are dissatisfied, we have deficit spending, artificial abundance, and artificial security-and we think all of this is natural. There is an addiction to money, to having more things, to working, to limitlessness. And through that all we are alienated from community, from commonwealth, from work, from the earth, from relational commerce, from spirit-we live in a placeless market. These things are not normal! We can't change because we are dependent on all of these things, and this is what is wrong. There are 4 things to look at: 1-we are all have an economic story specific to us, because we all buy, shop, loan, borrow money, etc. 2-Everyone is located in the larger economic story, from foreclosures to job loss, etc. 3-Sharing these stories break the silence around money and class! (he emphasized that this is the last thing we talk about, especially as christians; it is taboo in church and a such a "personal matter" that we don't talk about and therefore don't hold each other accountable, etc.) 4-Sharing our stories de-privatize the anxiety, as well as commune-itizes our imagination which leads to creative responses to the overall problem.
He created a 7-fold covenant for people who want to start to deal with these things together. Then he talked about money and the problems around it. We are really good at rationalizing money and we are trained to believe that money is morally neutral. But this is not true- money is definitely one of the principalities and powers that is talked about in the Bible, and it is risky to the soul, and intrinsically is spiritual corruption. He used the word "mammon" which is a term in the Bible used to describe material wealth or greed, often personified as deity. Money is an instrument of social exchange-whether positive or negative. It can maximize private interest, give us personal gratification and security, and it is also a social exchange with providers of good and services. Now, with that we can use money to exploit others or help others. How we spend is predicated on relationships and values. An example of this is with coffee-we can exploit poor farmers or build sustainable communities by purchasing fair trade.
Now, often our response is that we are either completely paralyzed (the problem is too huge so we do nothing) or we are righteous and critical of others (also not a helpful attitude). He said this "we are moderate in our actions, but forceful in our critiques." I think this is very true! He said something I think is important: no step is too big or too small, and no one ever "arrives." Obviously, you can always be doing more, but this doesn't negate the small steps that keep you moving forward. I think there is a lot of hope in that. For example, recycling didn't just happen one day. It took someone with a vision, and small movements on the local level. It was a big movement made possible by an individual conscience. In 20-25 years recycling became conventional wisdom.
Another point he spoke about was the concept of redistribution. One of the reasons we stay poor in the U.S. is because those who are poor have no equity-money just passes through them (to pay rent, bills, etc.). Therefore you can't get loans to, say, buy a home, so you are always stuck in a rental situation and never build that up. But this is so messed up because now days we can't get an education or a home without taking out a loan-so putting ourselves in debt and in a position where we are forced to use money we don't have to get something we need to become secure later. But if we don't do this, we are forced to make 10 dollars an hour, if that, and constantly stay in a position of instability as we never own a home, etc. It is quite interesting that this is the way that is normal now in our culture. This practice of usury, collecting interest, is forbidden in the Bible. Yet we are practically forced to live as such now... Some of the solutions to these problems involve coming back to community-through local credit unions and relying on communities to send their kids to college collectively. For example, if those with extra could move their investments into credit unions to be able to create money to give education loans and mortgage loans to those without equity. It takes some imagination and communities coming together.
Wow this is getting to be a lot. The last points he drove home was that addiction is the problem of the 1st world nations, and oppression is the issue of the 3rd world. The problem isn't poverty. The problem is the affluent taking too much.
He gave me a lot more to think about! I am encouraged by people like him who provide a hopeful outlook on these things. I do believe God has a bigger and better dream, and we have totally lost sight of those dreams. I believe that we have a responsibility as Christians to not only think about these things, but also figure out ways move in practice. I, for one, am hopeful in this. A big part of this is really looking at myself honestly and see what my "economic story" is. That is a scary thing....

If you are interested, here is the website:
http://www.bcm-net.org/
Also if you are interested in another look into our consumer-orientated mindset:
http://storyofstuff.com/

Simple as rocks

So I am pretty much signing off of my original plans for lent, like i said before, of exploring different causes I can learn and grow in each week. I am not abandoning them completely, because I think those things I had in mind are important-however as of now I find myself busier than usual and in my down time I prefer not to be researching. The vegetarian thing is enough to make me think, so I'll just think on that for awhile. Plus, another aspect of lent that I appreciate is the way it makes me slow down a bit to reflect on who I am and who God asks us to be in light of the Cross. I am not nearly devoting enough time to this and it is evident-I am feeling almost disoriented lately and I attribute that to not enough BEING. There is too much DOING and, while they are good things, I need to rest in mercy and grace God is providing. I also need to stop and listen awhile.
Part of this has to do with the fact that the majority of my time is spent in a place that isn't really me. I think the environment that you are in most really will affect you, and to me it is important that it gives you rest and peace. And while I genuinely love and enjoy going to Aveda, it is a little out of my element and not restful. I find my mind wandering to places like Covenant Pines and daydreaming the whole length of the time i spend running. I need to figure out the balance....
I spent some time with the three most precious children in my life this weekend (Lucia, Sofia, and my neicey Aleeya), which is always refreshing and rejuvenating. They bring a lot of joy to me, but also their lives exude a simplicity I learn from. Luci and I went out in the backyard to enjoy the fresh spring breeze trying to break forth and I just followed her around. She went in her swing and giggled the whole time-maybe just from the sheer pleasure of her whispy blonde hair blowing back and forth, or from her feet dangling in the air, for from the wind hit her face as she went back and forth. After swinging she found a spot filled with uniform rocks filling in the space around a garage. She squatted down and picked up and put down rocks, studying them carefully and speaking her baby language with convincing inflection in her voice. Occasionally one would be handed to me with an "ooh" sort of wonderment. The peace in those moments reminded me that life can be as simple as rocks-just enjoying something in creation, inspecting all aspects of it, and then looking again. I love what can be seen through the eyes of an 20 month old child.



Another note, congratulations to my sister and my NEW brother in-law, who got married this past Monday! Here are some pictures of the occasion:

Aleeya was happy about it too:

The fam:

Full Circle.

(the pic has nothing to do with the blog content, but isn't she beautiful?)
So I am not living up to my Lenten expectations. First of all, i may have jumped the gun on vegetarianism. After Lent I am going to be a "practicing vegetarian" until I figure it out. I truly feel God has prompted this in me, and if i just write it off as having too many variables and questions to it and eat meat anyway, then I'll stop thinking about it. As long as I am not eating it, it will force me to explore that more and more and make a decision that I feel is what God is showing me and asking me to do in my life. For now, this is what I need to do. So until an unforeseen time...I shall not partake in meat. Fish? That is another research day.
My goal for last week was to pick something else I feel is important, which was going to be fair trade coffee. However I never actually sat down to do it. I still haven't. I know enough to want to choose it whenever possible, but I am not passionate about it to only drink fair trade. That is dumb...so I want to explore it more however I have not. So there. Hopefully I will, because this was something I wanted to do weekly! The weeks are moving along quickly!
Last night as i debated looking up fair trade stuff, instead I pulled out a journal from last year, (which I do on occasion) and flipped to March of 08. It was my last entry to my "Africa journal" which is a journal i kept in kenya, and i continued to write in it when I had thoughts that pertained. It was encouraging to look back on it, affirming, and also awesome to see the way God works in me and through me and never stops, He just keeps pushing and pressing and leading, and loving. So I think I'll be ultra vulnerable and share this last entry, which I entitled "Full Circle" (which is also a fave Storyhill song of mine...)

3-3-08.
Who are you? That is the main theme/question of City Matters class tonight. (Which, by the way, is completely messing up my life for the record...) it is an intriguing question because I feel like i've really been hit with this question this past fall in sort of an indirect way. For so long my identity and worth has been wrapped up in what I am doing-from being at Bethel, a captain of the hockey team, volunteering, mentoring, being a good daughter, friend, etc.-Then it was focused on going to Africa and being "used" by God there, being a savior of some sort-my worth tied up in being a missionary. When i felt like I failed at that, i came back to the US tring to build up my identity and worth again with something else. Looking back the last 1 1/2 years of my life has been the most difficult. I felt the most dissatisfied and lonely and incomplete. Joyless. That load has slowly been lifted over the past 4 months or so for a very significant reason. I stopped. I quit DOING for God. I quit trying to measure up-in my relationships with friends and family, in the things I was doing. And you know, I thought I would find fulfillment in my new job. But guess what?!? I didn't! Isn't it wonderful? I don't even like it that much. That is my final confirmation that it does not matter what i do-I need to wrap myself up in the simple fact that I am a daughter of the King! Created in the image of the one and only Lord! Loved by my Creator! Fearfully and wonderfully made! That's it-it is so simple and profound and absolutely hard to believe. How can my whole worth and my entire identity depend on that? It is so hard to grasp. But, honestly, for the first time in about 2 yearsI am finally being restored to the Joy of the Lord and being satisfied in Him. And it is not because I'm dong anything spectacular, or because I figured out my "calling" or what I should do with my life. It's purely because I am letting myself come before my Maker and let Him speak to my heart in those quiet ways I have been too noisy to hear. I am coming on my knees to Jesus, the Savior, letting down my hair and pouring the perfume of my life out over His feet. It has been so uncomfortable at times and full of tension, but very freeing when I really let God speak. I feel like I'm being born again. I often have the experience of being so in love with Jesus and so excited to be in the most incredible story of God that I could almost throw up. I am not kidding. This is one of the most important lessons I could be learning, I pray it won't stop. The more I am learning in City Matters about poverty, city issues, racial issues, and the Justice of God-the more my life is getting screwed up. I love learning about it, and I am hungry for more knowledge-however now I KNOW and I can't pretend I don't, so now I have to take action. That is what is messing me up. I can't be honest before Jesus if I am not obedient to Him in what He is pressing on my heart. Now i have to move to North Minneapolis and try to live in intentional community there. Jesus help me. I do pray you work that out, and who me how to move and where to be.......

(the rest is a prayer)....it ends in saying God is so faithful.

Isn't He so faithful??? I love taking the time to reflect on where I have been and how He has lead my into the now.

Lent continued....

It is very typical for people to give up something for Lent. I find a lot of people just choose something that isn't a "healthy" habit and give it up, not thinking about the true reasons we are called to fast. This is unfortunate because sacrifice is a beautiful, difficult, and growing time during Lent!
I have practiced fasting from something during Lent, first as a child not knowing the significance, and later as an adult after I discovered the beauty and holiness in it. I have given up some typical things, and also some rather strange ones-but all with the intent of drawing nearer to Christ, depriving myself of a luxury to focus on what really matters, and doing a small sacrifice to reflect the true sacrifice Christ made on the Cross of Calvary. For the past three months or so I have been trying to think of what I should do. I also think it is important to not only grow in piety to God but also be called into action from what I give up. I wanted to focus each week on different social justice issues or things that actively bring me to live God's Kingdom here on earth. As I was pondering this, I felt God prompting me to give up meat. I thought, "that's nice, but why?" I always ask people who are vegetarians why they are so, I have not heard one answer that would ever convince me to do it myself. I sort of knew that eating meat isn't very good for the environment, and I have never really looked into the treatment of animals when it comes to eating it. The closest I have gotten to actively pursuing justice for animals in my food consumption is buying eggs from free-range farms. And even that I don't totally know why....
So I will tell you my initial reasonings for giving meat up for lent, and then go into why I have now decided to be a vegetarian. (Yikes I can't believe I just wrote that.)
1. In third world countries, meat is a luxury. When I was in Kenya meat was cooked only for a big celebration (we killed the fatted goat) or when we were hosting someone special. I also has chicken when I was invited somewhere, which was maybe twice. Even then, it is not the "choice cuts" and you eat every last bit-I watched a women scrape out the marrow and eat it. If I choose to not eat meat, I will think about the rest of the world that doesn't get that luxury and yet another thing that sets me apart as way upper class compared to most of the world.

2. Not eating meat will help me reflect on the sanctity of life. By not eating meat, I am respected the animal that would have been slaughtered. I also want to think about what the sanctity of life means: from the factory farmed animal, to the child sold into sex-trade slavery, to the AIDS orphan, to the drug addict down the street, to the homeless man on the corner, to the single mom trying to raise 5 kids by herself, to the child who dies because of lack of clean water, to the iraqi child, to the lonely old man with no one to visit him, to the aborted baby that could have been, and I could go on and on.
So those were my initial lenten reasons, and they still hold true. Anyone who knows me knows I am a self-proclaimed carnivore. I love steak and fried chicken and wings and corn dogs and the like. So this is really making me think as I grab the vegetarian choice! I LOVE MEAT!

Okay, so now onto why I decided to become a vegetarian for real. Oh man I cannot believe this is happening to me. Okay read on friends....
1. Becoming a vegetarian is the number one way to reduce your carbon footprint. Eating meat is like driving a big SUV. Worldwide livestock farming causes 18% of the worlds greenhouse emissions. All the world cars, boats, planes, and trains only account for 13% in comparison! I did not know that. Livestock farming also contributes to deforestation. Trees need to be cut down to make room for pastures and to grow food to feed the cows. More than 260 million acres in the U.S. alone has been cleared to grow grain to feed farmed animals. It is also a cause of extinction to indigenous plant species. "The impact of countless hooves and mouths over the years has done more to alter the type of vegetation and land forms of the West than all the water projects, strip mines, power plants, freeways, and subdivision developments combined."

2. Eating meat is very inefficient and promotes the continuation of poverty. It takes up to 16 pounds of grain to produce 1 pound of edible meat. Let's think about where that 16 pounds of grain could go besides to make a one portion of a meal of me on an average night. Eating/farming meat is an inefficient use of grain. The price of grain has gone up significantly, which means more hunger throughout the world. And we are using grain to feed cows so the rich can enjoy a nice steak now and then. That is so messed up! Then think about the water used in meat production-1 pound of meat takes 50,000 liters of water. It just does not make sense to contribute to the livestock farming industry if I claim to care about the poor and hungry throughout the world.

3. It I believe God cares about His creation, and left humans in charge to care and love it, then I have to believe He cares just as much about His animals. And if the earth will indeed one day be reconciled, I think it is safe to assume He means ALL of His creation, not just humans. Therefore, I don't think God is pleased with the way we get our meat. As I have been researching, the treatment of animals in factory farming is horrific. As most of you know, I am not an "animal lover" by any means, but that doesn't mean I approve of torture to animals. Factory farming is just that. It is another example of how the privileged exploit the weak to get what we want. We want meat, we want it cheaper, therefore we inject animals with crazy chemicals, pack them into small quarters, never let them fully live, and torture them, and kill them inhumanely so we can save 2 dollars on a package of ground beef. Even as I right this I am realizing how sick this is. I know this was not God's intention for his creatures. But, here in America at least, we can turn off what we don't want to hear to not have to deal with the problem! We eat the meat without know what the animal has been through, we buy the shoes without thinking of the 7 year who made them in a third world, we drink the coffee without evening imagining the labor a poor farmer went through without getting a fair wage. That is how we function in our society.

These are my main reasons thus far. I will continue to explore it and ask questions. Like what about eating locally owned, farm raised poultry? How about milk, cheese, and eggs-how is the dairy industry affecting the world? I don't know yet. I am open to insights and discussions on this. Here are some links to interesting sources on all of this:
goveg.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5D8wSEHTbVk
http://www.alternet.org/story/12162
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1839995,00.html

the Lenten season

Lent began this past Wednesday with the symbolic adorning of ashes and traditionally, fasting. I love lent, for a lot of reasons. It is a renewal for my soul, an intentional 40 days of devotion and repentance to our Holy God. It is anticipating the ultimate victory of Christ the cross. I do go to mass on Ash Wednesday. I believe it is a beautiful beginning to this season, and the symbolism is rich in a society where old practices are often replaced with modern technology. Back in Biblical times wood fires were used for cooking and heating, and so ashes were plentiful in homes. If there was a death in the family, or other serious goings on, you wouldn't be as mindful as usual of the ashes and it could easily be on your face. It is said this is how ashes became symbolic of mourning. So there are many references in the Bible to the adorning of ashes during a period of mourning and during fasting. When the ashes are placed on your forehead during the mass, whoever is placing the says to you "Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return." It is reminder that we truly are nothing, that Christ is everything, and sacrificed everything. We can draw close to Him by repenting and sharing in the sacrifice by denying ourselves something, whether it be food or not, to become satisfied by God only and to experience a mourning time.
In my "Lenten Companion" book there are a few prayers in the beginning that are very profound to me, so I would like to share a few here over this season:

For the times that I forget that i need a Savior, and arrogantly rely on myself as if I am sufficient to myself: Lord Jesus, have mercy on me.
FOr the times that I trust my sinful attachments more than the Father's love: Lord Jesus, have mercy on me.
For the times that I allow my own reactions and opinions to supersede the truth of the Father revealed to me through Christ and his Church, Lord Jesus have mercy on me.
For the times I shun the presence of Christ, whether it be his sacramental presence or his presence through the people he puts in my life, lord Jesus, have mercy on me
For the times I blaspheme by using other human beings as thigns that I can manipulate or use for my own selfish ends, Lord Jesus have mercy on me.
For the times i abuse those things the Father has given me for the building up of his kingdom: Lord Jesus, have mercy on me.
For the times that I justify my sinfulness, Lord Jesus, have mercy on me!
Amen.

I'm an auntie!!!

I am in the hospital with my baby sister, who had her own baby last night. I have been anxiously awaiting the birth of my first niece and she came last night, Monday Feb. 23rd. Hannah was due March 3rd, according to her first ultrasound, but was feeling more uncomfortable this weekend. She also had her membrane stripped last Thursday, so we were expecting a baby sooner than later! Yesterday she went into the hospital to get checked around 12:30, where they had her walk around a bit to see if anything progressed. Since not much happened she was about to go home, but then her water broke! So she stayed and got settled into the room where she would soon deliver her firstborn.
She got Patossin in the later afternoon to help speed things along. That really got her contractions going, and she was requesting an epideral in no time. After that kicked in the pain subsided significantly and she was a lot more comfortable. By around 9:15pm, she was dilated to a 9 and about ready to start pushing. In the presence of her fiance, Efra, me, our mom, and our friend Amber, Hannah begin to push! She was very alert the whole time, and I only had to help her stay awake once. The best part is in between pushing, classic Hannah, requested her phone and proceeded to text in between pushes. She worked like a champ for about an hour and soon a dark, wavy haired beautiful baby girl appeared before us! As soon as that amazing child came out, the emotions were overwhelming and i burst into tears. A healthy, beautiful child that I can call my niece and help to raise and love just appeared into the world after 9 long months. My little, baby sister created a life and worked as hard as she ever had in her whole life to bring her into the world! I was flooded with feelings of love for this new life, proud of my sister, excited to see what God has for this new child.
She was born at 10:58pm, 7.59lbs, 20inches long. Her name is Aleeya Lily Osorio. Her name means "exalted" and "sublime", and Hannah really wanted a flower for the middle name. My prayer is that our Lord will lift her high, that her life will be exalted and she will live powerfully for Him. I pray her life will be an example for others, and God will exalt her and hold her close.
Now for pictures! I am going to be a little obsessed with picture taking...

Dr. Perkins

Last week I had the privilege of hearing Dr. John Perkins speak on two occasions. I just finished one of his books, "Let Justice Roll Down", and I have heard of a lot of his work in the past year and half, so I was very excited to be able to see him. I don't quite know how to sum him up briefly, but basically he was born in Mississippi in the 40's on a plantation as a sharecropper. He experienced plenty of hardships, including not having a mother or father, watching his brother be killed by the town marshal, and a lot of other racial injustices. He moved to California, was married, had some kids, and then came to know Jesus. After becoming a Christian he returned to his hometown in Mississippi to share the gospel of Christ. He began a movement there that is still rolling today, but far beyond that small town. He is a well known civil rights activist, and has lived out a message of reconciliation and community. I believe he only made it through grade 5 or something, but today holds 9 honorary doctorate degrees. Many call him a prophet. Today he and his daughter run the John M Perkins Foundation for Reconciliation and Development, which contains a lot of different ministries. He is the founder of the CCDA-Christian Community Development Cooperation, whose mission is "to inspire, train, and connect Christians who seek to bear witness to the Kingdom of God by reclaiming and restoring under-resourced communities." The foundation of Urban Homeworks, which is the organization I live in, comes from CCDA.
So he is an influential man to many....
He was delightful to listen too. He has a fire in his bones that cries out-and the passion and conviction that he speaks with is enough to move a crown into action. The basic principles of his community development vision is the three "R"s-Reconciliation, Relocation, and Redistribution. These are the main things I have been learning about this past year and half, and really the reasons I decided to move to North Minneapolis in the first place. So to hear him go more in depth was very affirming for me.
He was casting a sort of new vision to us as Urban Neighbors the first night i heard him speak, which was very interesting. Basically he was talking about the break down of the family has to do with break downs in the community, and a part of that is that there is no wisdom being passed down from elders. For the most part in America, elderly are put in nursing homes or assisted living homes with each other, away from communities. (Because we put so much value on work and accomplishment, what value does a retired person have to society?) He presented a model of homes in the community being reclaimed for more than just young people, the older people of our communities who have so much life and wisdom before them to pass down to the younger generations. He stressed the value of retired folk tutoring and mentoring the younger ones. It really is community coming full circle, and it is an aspect of community that our generation doesn't know much about, if you ask me. I don't have any elderly people in my life personally (besides my grandma who lives in assisted living 45 minutes away) and a lot of people are missing out on the value of having a multi-generational community of people around them. This way we are taking care of those who have giving their all to society their whole lives, and as they impart their wisdom and experience we are taking care of them until the end. It is a beautiful picture.
Another topic he spoke of was young people in prisons, and combating that with tutoring in elementary schools. The way to solve the problems is by starting with the children. This relates back to my last blog a bit, how education really is the answer to, I would say, most of the problems of the world today. I was substitute teaching yesterday at a high school by my house, and we were reading out loud in the class. I would say all but maybe 2 students were reading between a 1st-3rd grade level. These are HIGH SCHOOLERS. How are they supposed to pass any test if they can't read the questions? How can they fill out a college application if they can't comprehend it? And how are they supposed to answer a job application intelligently if they don't understand proper word order? How did they get to high school with this poor of reading skills? I don't know how to deal with these questions, but I can begin to imagine the repercussions this will have in their lives. And in the lives of those around them. Can you imagine if you were 18 and couldn't understand a single thing you read? I would imagine i would feel dumb all the time. And then I wouldn't think I was worth getting a job, and doing anything significant. I would not look to education to give me value-I would find it in my peers and other things, often unhealthy things. It just makes me sad to think that some of those students will graduate without knowing how to read a book.
Lack of education is poverty for sure. Not just not being able to have an education, but not getting the education that you deserve is poverty. Lack of education is oppressive. Over and over again we are commanded in the Bible to set the oppressed free, care for the poor, seek justice. Jesus' life was all about this. God calls us to this, and I don't think it is choice. It becomes more than volunteering at a soup kitchen once a week, joining a pro-life facebook group, or praying for people in prison. It goes so much deeper than that, it demands a life of sacrifice and reconciliation, a life of the love that searches for solutions. It looks beyond surface problems and begins asking why. Why are people in prison? Why is there so much homelessness? Why can't they read? Where do we spend our money? Why does where we live make a difference? What does it truly mean to die so Christ can live?
The list goes on....
I won't settle, I am hopeful, and it's people like Dr. John Perkins who truly inspire me to live a life that is worth Christ dieing for. To live a life that brings the Kingdom.

"[Jesus] has given us the freedom to love everyone. We need to overcome blame, overcome guilt. We need to make this the kind of world we want to live in."
-Dr John Perkins

solutions driven by love

well i have heard a lot in the past week or so to keep my thinking for awhile....which is good. but often times hard to process the thoughts. on sunday i was at a neighborhood gathering, called Catalyst, where a woman who is the President of the Peace Foundation here on the northside was speaking. She really gave me a lot to think about. We were talking about Pres. Obama and what that means for us, for our communities, for the nation, and also talking about issues of race and faith. She really got into the education system, how it the system was set so long ago-when we were still an agricultural society farming in the summers. (therefore we have three months off of school) She was saying in essence that the root of most of the issues we face today, especially with violence, crime, and poverty, are caused by the education system. I was aware of some of it, but I have not thought that deeply about it. There are pretty alarming statistics when it comes to education and inner cities and race-and that translates to the alarming statistic of poverty, crime, and imprisonment in inner cities and among race. She was pointing out how we won't make stereotypes that are negative based on ethnicity, but we can easily say that black people are good at basketball, asian people are smarter, kenyans are faster, etc. But really, give a black kid who lives in a concrete jungle a ball and a hoop and nothing to do all day and of course he'll get good at basketball. Kenyans live in a higher elevation, walk to school their whole lives, and run for fun as they grow. Barefoot. We could also take a look at the education system in a number of asian countries and begin to see why they have better test scores and excel in areas america is weak in. She had a lot to say about education, not all i can remember, but one place in particular she mentioned was new york city. There was a school there with low graduation rates and test scores, and instead of not giving it funding anymore, giving up, not hiring as many teachers, and sending kids to detention-someone created a solution. they got the local university to bring in student teachers for free so the students could be in school until 7pm and also go on saturdays. this transformed the schools performance. why did this happen? because the person loved-and the love found a solution. love finds solutions. Just as God sent Jesus-radical, not ordinary, a little crazy even-as a solution. Driven by love.
I have also been listening to number of sermons and articles regarding God's economy, in the face of the failing economy around us. THere are some disgusting facts out there-like the average CEO make 500 times the amount of money that their workers. America makes up 6% of the population-while using 50% of the world's resources. Americans on average are more in debt now than in the depression. We are nation of consumers. During Christmas, I heard we spend about 400 billion on Christmas every year. It would take just 10 billion to solve the world's water problems. America is the wealthiest country-but also the most depressed, lonely, and medication country. What is wrong with this picture? As Shane Claiborne said, "What does God's dream look like in light of what we're seeing?" God's dream looks like solutions driven by love. But we can't begin to find solutions if we keep pretending that these problems don't exist-and don't treat them like our problems. Greg Boyd preached on this recently. I spoke about Luke 16 and the parable of Lazarus and the rich man, and also referred to the scripture in Isaiah 58. To make it short-God is pointing out that this rich man living a wealthy life in his own gated community, while walking past extreme poverty everyday. We as Christians often read, study, church, discuss, etc. about theology and scripture, etc. and then debate about things-rather than actually addressing the blantant issue in front of us. There is obviously homelessness, poverty, hunger, racism, messed up systems, poor education, to name a few-right in front of us. We don't want to acknowledge that we understand what we read in the Bible because it is uncomfortable and causes us to act and make sacrifices.
I heard another serom before Christmas by a woman named Sandra Unger that preaches at Woodland Hills. She said that if our money and possessions are for us to hoard, than anyone who is in need is a threat to us. Someone who needs some food, or a neighbor who loses their home, or the homeless person on the corner of 94, are threats to us. To acknowledge that we can be the solutions-driven by Christ's love, takes a big sacrifice. Not just a sacrifice of prayer, not one of extra money in the offering plate, not a short term missions trip-but true sacrifice of self, of your own resources, of your time, of genuine relationships. It gets messy, uncomfortable, it doesn't make sense, and it especially doesn't make sense in light of "the american dream." But what's God's dream? We are called to be radical-not just be distinguished by our beleifs. But by our crazy actions towards solutions motivated by love.
Love costs something. But if i have learned anything in this last year and a half, the love the Christ freely offers is so worth it. If i am to fully to take it, then i must give it back out sacrificially. i don't always like it, but my true JOY is in Christ Jesus-and that drives my to keep pushing forward..... I have hope in my Creater, He is bigger than all of this. But I know He is calling to me to free the chains of injustice, break the yokes of oppression, share food with the hungry, provide shelter to the wanderer, clothe the naked, and not to turn away from the world around me. Then His light will break forth, healing can come, God will go before me, with His glory to follow.

good changes

My dear friend, Stefanie, who I have been friends with since we were 2 and 3 years old, had her second child on Saturday! Her first daughter, Lucia, is my goddaughter. She was born July 26th, 2007 and has been an immense joy in my life, as well an awesome manifestation of God's creation in new life. Now Stefanie and her husband, Mark, have their second daughter, Sofia. She is 8 lbs, 19 inches, and has dark hair like her daddy. She is so beautiful, I missed her birth by just 2 minutes, and I am so thankful to be let into their family in such an intimate way, as I was able to watch Lucia being born.
It is so fun for me to think back to when Stefanie and I were just playing "family" and nurturing our dolls, and here she is creating her own family! I love it.
Now the reason I was late for the birth is because I started the Aveda Institute this past Tuesday and I had class on Saturday until 5pm. I am really excited to be finally beginning this dream. I really have imagined myself there for years, and it is a little surreal to finally be there. I support Aveda's mission completely, they are a exceptional company. All their products are natural, and are flower and plant derived. The countries they obtain their ingredients in provide sustainable jobs to local communities and give back to their communities in healthy, sustainable ways. Aveda also cares about the environment, and is striving towards the goal of having all their packaging be 100% recycled. I believe they are at around 80% as of now. So it is a company I can stand behind, as well as believe in the products I am using. I for sure care more about people than I do about hair, so I am glad I can use products for hair in a way I love and know that it is providing for people in impoverished nations.
I am loving the classes thus far, and I think i will thoroughly enjoy all that I can learn. Ultimately Aveda is a means to an end for me. The environment of people I think will get a little waring on my spirit, and since I spend so much time there I just have to make the best of it. But it is not my idea of life to spend 40 hours a week there, and so I need to know that in order to fulfill the life that is to come I need to do this know. So even though I enjoy it, I want people to not think this is it. What is "it" for me is other places God has laid before me: living in Urban Homeworks in north minneapolis, working with young girls in Beautiful, helping out with Urban Jerusalem, building relationships with people at church,learning more about God's Justice, being aware of the hurt around the world, celebrating life with my friends, investing in Lucia and Sofia, and my sister's baby to come, trying to be a good daughter, and continually pursuing God intimately. That is life. Not Aveda. So it is going to be a little bit of a struggle for me, I believe, even though it is a good thing.
My sister is having her baby in like 6 weeks! That will be another big change in life, for her especially, but in our sisterhood as well. (as cheesy as that is....) I am so excited to be an aunt. I will apologize in advance to my friends, as I will be a little MIA after she is born. But it's all good, good changes....

Stefanie and I in the ocean in Mexico-she is so preggers!

My sister is super preggers too! (I love to touch her tummy!)

Me and sweet Luci in Mexico. I love this kid!

Grounded

There is something to be said about staying put. I have been such a wanderer in my heart for most of my life, a pursuer of the next adventure. I love daydreaming, getting lost in the imagination of the unknown, and traveling to mysterious places in my mind. I love the thought of travel, the unknown experience and possibilities that lie ahead. The prospect of exploring a new country always intrigues me. In fact, I keep a top five in my head of the places I want to go. (Ireland, India, northern Canada, Alaska, South Africa-and I want to experience the rainforest with my sister) However, when I was traversing Europe this summer I experienced something I am not familiar with. A desire to go back and continue doing the things I was before: house hunting in North Minneapolis, working with Beautiful, investing in my church. The usual place i find myself in is perpetual adventurer: loving the travel, letting it spark my heart for more travel, to pursue the next thing when i get back, and a general discontentment in regular life and contentment in looking forward to the next trip. But this time, no, I wanted to go back to what I was ALREADY doing. It caught me by such a surprise. It was so confirming that, yes, God was grounding me. And I was already where He wanted me to be. I think there is a peace, and a longing, that is found when you are in God's desires for you. I had not found that peace before, and I was longing to stay in it. I am still in it, in fact, and it is new to me. New to be enjoying the day by day, not looking for the next trip, and being fine right where I am. Don't mistake me-I still LOVE traveling. Everything about it. And i still desire it for the future. But right now I am going to be here, 100%. I love learning about other cultures, and feeding that global desire I have. But i can do that as I live here, in the place I love the most, Minnesota.
I am starting Aveda on Tuesday, and because that program is 10 months i know i will renew my lease here in August. Which means Ill be her for 2 years. At least! It is good to know I will be grounded for awhile, and really be invested. It is strange to be happy about this, but I am. That is how I know God is in it. It is less my desires, and more His, and I am happy because I am in Him. Not because of where i am, or what i am doing.
I started to feel a little ungrounded this last week, I am not sure from what. But it is interesting what cured it. I had to do wedding hair in St. Cloud on Saturday morning. i have not been up there in years. I had to leave my house around 5:45am, and I enjoyed an unfamiliar drive in solitude, lit by the moon, mostly by myself on the rode. It was peaceful, alone, and just the dose of quiet travel I needed to settle my soul. It seems weird, but I love that sort of thing and it is just what i needed.

Here are a few pics from Covenant Pines, one of my favorite most life-giving places.

thoughts on solitude

God has taught me a lot about solitude in the past year and a half. In fact, my life has been transformed by it. I began intentionally seeking God out in solitude in fall 2007, mostly because I felt Him asking me to stop being so busy, and also because I had more time on my hands. I ended up stopping a lot of excess activities I had going on in my life, even though i didn't want to, in order to find more rest in my Creator. This is hard for me-i spent the previous 5 years being so busy i barely had time to breath. The spare time i had i quickly thought up ways i could be spending my time, only to have God remind me i made this spare time for a reason-to spend with Him. I realized something really important in that restlessness-I found a lot of my self-worth in being busy. I felt as though if I spent all my spare time volunteering, meeting people for coffee, and attending lots of church services that i was pleasing God. Don't get me wrong, those were all good things. I think God is pleased with volunteering, keeping up with people, and enriching our minds with sermons and corporate worship. However, as much as God likes what we DO for Him, more than that I think He asks us to just BE for Him. I heard Him saying "Heidi, please, I just want YOU. I want your devotion, come be in my presence. Stop doing for me, and start being for me."
This was incredibly transformational for me. I spent time in my apartment with just a candle lit and me. Sitting there. In awkward silence. I had to make the first move and talk first. Just me and God. If you are one who does this all the time, congratulations. But for me, this was uncomfortable. I at least have music on. But after awhile, the solitude became a place of holiness where God began to speak to my heart. While affirming who I am in Him, I began to hear His heartbeat more. I began to understand His daily call on my life-not that I need to figure out His ultimate "plan" for my life, but listen to His plans for the world, and join in. Just join in. Let Him lead me step by step, join in faith, and see the path that unfolds before my eyes.
I was nervous to take those first steps, but God has provided all the way. I can't believe what He has laid before me, and it is awesome to know He will continue to make a way for the future. I just have to be connected with Him daily, seeking Him intimately. That's all. So much more simple than I could have ever imagined.
At 24, I am continually more in awe of this God I have being serving pretty much my whole life. He just keeps getting better and better. The goodness overwhelms me, and after 24 years of knowing Him, I feel as though I am just brushing the surface.
It is so rich and beautiful, He is so faithful. How am I worthy of this?

thoughts on provision

I experience God's provision daily. I have experienced Him in significant ways providing for me for a variety of things that I cannot comprehend, and lately has been no exception.

I am privileged to have always had my needs met. We may not have had a lot of money growing up, but I was still somehow able to play hockey, and never really had actual financial hardships that affected me as a child. We didn't go on vacation, I didn't wear Calvin Klein, I didn't have my own car-but I was always provided for by my parents as was very comfortable. They instilled in me a good sense with money, learning to be frugal and not being to always afford everything. I am very grateful for my upbringing and I value the fact that we didn't above what we needed.

Because of a series of factors in my family, I began Bethel University under a lot of financial aid, and by the end all the loans were paid off. I live debt free. That is one of the most, if not the most, valuable and priceless gifts I have ever received.

Because of that, I was able to go to Kenya. I had to raise all my own support, and I received EXACTLY the amount I needed.

God has always provided ways financially for me, and I continue to trust Him and try to offer anything I have extra up to Him, and let Him show me how to use it. I have found God to be extremely faithful to always provide a way. The more I have stepped out in faith, God has equally met my financial needs in greater ways. This fall has been the toughest for me financially because I have not been able to find full time work. However I know God was called me to move here, and I have to trust that the money for rent will come every month. And the rest of my bills, for that matter. If God truly wants me here, He'll make a way.

Since October, I have bought full groceries once. It has been amazing to see God provide food for me through others when I don't have food or extra money to buy some. Just when I have been getting down to my last dollar, a check has come through that I have been waiting for. November came and my trust got a little shakey, and once again God came through in big ways with providing haircuts for me to do, and a random cleaning job that paid just enough. I raked leaves for two weeks for heavens sake and that got me through! Why should I ever doubt? Two weeks ago my tire went flat and I went in to get a new one, thinking a coverage I have would cover it. Turns out they only cover it if it is because of a nail or something like that, and my tire didn't have any nail-so it would cost $120.00 that I don't have. When the mechanic came out, he winked and told me they "found a nail...." What????? I mean, I can go on and on, but I always have just what I need.

Not many people know the type of issues I have been having in getting loans to go to Aveda Institute. Not a lot of places give loans for Aveda, and the places that do give only loans that go directly to the school. This is a problem for me because I have to take out a loan for personal expenses too because I am not working full time enough to cover my bills. The one and only loan that would work needed a cosigner. Guess who doesn't have any cosigner? Me. My dad won't do it, I don't have close extended family, I don't feel comfortable asking friends. I had one aunt i felt might work, and she got denied. I had one other option to ask my uncle, and he said no. The loan place said this loan was really hard to get. Basically, I had exhausted all options (there are a lot more details to this story that i needed to leave out, but trust me....). This all came to a head yesterday and I am crying and feeling unsupported, foolish, and like I've hit a dead end. I didn't know the reality of me actually going to Aveda. I am finding this hard, because I feel as though God is really in this, that He gave me a vision for it, and my dream is finally coming through. But financially, I am stuck.

I decided to just give it a rest until tomorrow, because I am emotionally distraught and need a break from constantly loan searching in disappointment. Two hours later my best friend calls me and asks about the loans, and I update her in sadness.

It is complicated how this all happens-but basically through someone i trust greatly, and knows and supports me and what I am doing-offers me to use a loan that she has available to her for however much I need, and she writes me a blank check that I can get all the personal money I need right now. All of it. Over $10,000. Right now. Do you know that I need $1,500 dollars in cash by this Wednesday??? I also need 5 grand by next Wednesday? How was I supposed to do that???? Now I have everything I need until I am done with school, then I will pay this person back monthly like I would a loan, except I don't have to deal with any sort of back or loan person.

I could never have imagined this-nor did I know it was an option ever, and basically fell out of the sky from me. God absolutely provided %100 within TWO HOURS of a need. I started weeping. I cannot believe it, and I am still awestruck. I could go on and on, but I hope you can understand the capacity of this for me. God will make a way. I didn't realize how much this has been weighing on me, until I am walking around today feeling lighter-like a huge weight has been lifted off and I am free to move forward. I am overwhelmed by this overflow of God's grace and love into my life, from someone who receives His grace and love as well.

This not only shows me God's provision, but also His perfect timing, and how He knows the needs and uses His people to provide for His children. This is what makes community a beautiful thing, and what God's kingdom looks like. I am learning so much about this in my life right now, the value of tight community that is honest and authentic enough, humble enough, to ask and to give and share and to trust each other. To build the kingdom of God.

This is God's provision. How can I ever doubt? Why should I ever worry about it? It is not my life to begin with, I can only give it ALL back to my Provider.

Can you believe it????

Psalm 27:13-14 i am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"