well i have heard a lot in the past week or so to keep my thinking for awhile....which is good. but often times hard to process the thoughts. on sunday i was at a neighborhood gathering, called Catalyst, where a woman who is the President of the Peace Foundation here on the northside was speaking. She really gave me a lot to think about. We were talking about Pres. Obama and what that means for us, for our communities, for the nation, and also talking about issues of race and faith. She really got into the education system, how it the system was set so long ago-when we were still an agricultural society farming in the summers. (therefore we have three months off of school) She was saying in essence that the root of most of the issues we face today, especially with violence, crime, and poverty, are caused by the education system. I was aware of some of it, but I have not thought that deeply about it. There are pretty alarming statistics when it comes to education and inner cities and race-and that translates to the alarming statistic of poverty, crime, and imprisonment in inner cities and among race. She was pointing out how we won't make stereotypes that are negative based on ethnicity, but we can easily say that black people are good at basketball, asian people are smarter, kenyans are faster, etc. But really, give a black kid who lives in a concrete jungle a ball and a hoop and nothing to do all day and of course he'll get good at basketball. Kenyans live in a higher elevation, walk to school their whole lives, and run for fun as they grow. Barefoot. We could also take a look at the education system in a number of asian countries and begin to see why they have better test scores and excel in areas america is weak in. She had a lot to say about education, not all i can remember, but one place in particular she mentioned was new york city. There was a school there with low graduation rates and test scores, and instead of not giving it funding anymore, giving up, not hiring as many teachers, and sending kids to detention-someone created a solution. they got the local university to bring in student teachers for free so the students could be in school until 7pm and also go on saturdays. this transformed the schools performance. why did this happen? because the person loved-and the love found a solution. love finds solutions. Just as God sent Jesus-radical, not ordinary, a little crazy even-as a solution. Driven by love.
I have also been listening to number of sermons and articles regarding God's economy, in the face of the failing economy around us. THere are some disgusting facts out there-like the average CEO make 500 times the amount of money that their workers. America makes up 6% of the population-while using 50% of the world's resources. Americans on average are more in debt now than in the depression. We are nation of consumers. During Christmas, I heard we spend about 400 billion on Christmas every year. It would take just 10 billion to solve the world's water problems. America is the wealthiest country-but also the most depressed, lonely, and medication country. What is wrong with this picture? As Shane Claiborne said, "What does God's dream look like in light of what we're seeing?" God's dream looks like solutions driven by love. But we can't begin to find solutions if we keep pretending that these problems don't exist-and don't treat them like our problems. Greg Boyd preached on this recently. I spoke about Luke 16 and the parable of Lazarus and the rich man, and also referred to the scripture in Isaiah 58. To make it short-God is pointing out that this rich man living a wealthy life in his own gated community, while walking past extreme poverty everyday. We as Christians often read, study, church, discuss, etc. about theology and scripture, etc. and then debate about things-rather than actually addressing the blantant issue in front of us. There is obviously homelessness, poverty, hunger, racism, messed up systems, poor education, to name a few-right in front of us. We don't want to acknowledge that we understand what we read in the Bible because it is uncomfortable and causes us to act and make sacrifices.
I heard another serom before Christmas by a woman named Sandra Unger that preaches at Woodland Hills. She said that if our money and possessions are for us to hoard, than anyone who is in need is a threat to us. Someone who needs some food, or a neighbor who loses their home, or the homeless person on the corner of 94, are threats to us. To acknowledge that we can be the solutions-driven by Christ's love, takes a big sacrifice. Not just a sacrifice of prayer, not one of extra money in the offering plate, not a short term missions trip-but true sacrifice of self, of your own resources, of your time, of genuine relationships. It gets messy, uncomfortable, it doesn't make sense, and it especially doesn't make sense in light of "the american dream." But what's God's dream? We are called to be radical-not just be distinguished by our beleifs. But by our crazy actions towards solutions motivated by love.
Love costs something. But if i have learned anything in this last year and a half, the love the Christ freely offers is so worth it. If i am to fully to take it, then i must give it back out sacrificially. i don't always like it, but my true JOY is in Christ Jesus-and that drives my to keep pushing forward..... I have hope in my Creater, He is bigger than all of this. But I know He is calling to me to free the chains of injustice, break the yokes of oppression, share food with the hungry, provide shelter to the wanderer, clothe the naked, and not to turn away from the world around me. Then His light will break forth, healing can come, God will go before me, with His glory to follow.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
good changes
My dear friend, Stefanie, who I have been friends with since we were 2 and 3 years old, had her second child on Saturday! Her first daughter, Lucia, is my goddaughter. She was born July 26th, 2007 and has been an immense joy in my life, as well an awesome manifestation of God's creation in new life. Now Stefanie and her husband, Mark, have their second daughter, Sofia. She is 8 lbs, 19 inches, and has dark hair like her daddy. She is so beautiful, I missed her birth by just 2 minutes, and I am so thankful to be let into their family in such an intimate way, as I was able to watch Lucia being born.
It is so fun for me to think back to when Stefanie and I were just playing "family" and nurturing our dolls, and here she is creating her own family! I love it.
Now the reason I was late for the birth is because I started the Aveda Institute this past Tuesday and I had class on Saturday until 5pm. I am really excited to be finally beginning this dream. I really have imagined myself there for years, and it is a little surreal to finally be there. I support Aveda's mission completely, they are a exceptional company. All their products are natural, and are flower and plant derived. The countries they obtain their ingredients in provide sustainable jobs to local communities and give back to their communities in healthy, sustainable ways. Aveda also cares about the environment, and is striving towards the goal of having all their packaging be 100% recycled. I believe they are at around 80% as of now. So it is a company I can stand behind, as well as believe in the products I am using. I for sure care more about people than I do about hair, so I am glad I can use products for hair in a way I love and know that it is providing for people in impoverished nations.
I am loving the classes thus far, and I think i will thoroughly enjoy all that I can learn. Ultimately Aveda is a means to an end for me. The environment of people I think will get a little waring on my spirit, and since I spend so much time there I just have to make the best of it. But it is not my idea of life to spend 40 hours a week there, and so I need to know that in order to fulfill the life that is to come I need to do this know. So even though I enjoy it, I want people to not think this is it. What is "it" for me is other places God has laid before me: living in Urban Homeworks in north minneapolis, working with young girls in Beautiful, helping out with Urban Jerusalem, building relationships with people at church,learning more about God's Justice, being aware of the hurt around the world, celebrating life with my friends, investing in Lucia and Sofia, and my sister's baby to come, trying to be a good daughter, and continually pursuing God intimately. That is life. Not Aveda. So it is going to be a little bit of a struggle for me, I believe, even though it is a good thing.
My sister is having her baby in like 6 weeks! That will be another big change in life, for her especially, but in our sisterhood as well. (as cheesy as that is....) I am so excited to be an aunt. I will apologize in advance to my friends, as I will be a little MIA after she is born. But it's all good, good changes....
Stefanie and I in the ocean in Mexico-she is so preggers!
My sister is super preggers too! (I love to touch her tummy!)
Me and sweet Luci in Mexico. I love this kid!
It is so fun for me to think back to when Stefanie and I were just playing "family" and nurturing our dolls, and here she is creating her own family! I love it.
Now the reason I was late for the birth is because I started the Aveda Institute this past Tuesday and I had class on Saturday until 5pm. I am really excited to be finally beginning this dream. I really have imagined myself there for years, and it is a little surreal to finally be there. I support Aveda's mission completely, they are a exceptional company. All their products are natural, and are flower and plant derived. The countries they obtain their ingredients in provide sustainable jobs to local communities and give back to their communities in healthy, sustainable ways. Aveda also cares about the environment, and is striving towards the goal of having all their packaging be 100% recycled. I believe they are at around 80% as of now. So it is a company I can stand behind, as well as believe in the products I am using. I for sure care more about people than I do about hair, so I am glad I can use products for hair in a way I love and know that it is providing for people in impoverished nations.
I am loving the classes thus far, and I think i will thoroughly enjoy all that I can learn. Ultimately Aveda is a means to an end for me. The environment of people I think will get a little waring on my spirit, and since I spend so much time there I just have to make the best of it. But it is not my idea of life to spend 40 hours a week there, and so I need to know that in order to fulfill the life that is to come I need to do this know. So even though I enjoy it, I want people to not think this is it. What is "it" for me is other places God has laid before me: living in Urban Homeworks in north minneapolis, working with young girls in Beautiful, helping out with Urban Jerusalem, building relationships with people at church,learning more about God's Justice, being aware of the hurt around the world, celebrating life with my friends, investing in Lucia and Sofia, and my sister's baby to come, trying to be a good daughter, and continually pursuing God intimately. That is life. Not Aveda. So it is going to be a little bit of a struggle for me, I believe, even though it is a good thing.
My sister is having her baby in like 6 weeks! That will be another big change in life, for her especially, but in our sisterhood as well. (as cheesy as that is....) I am so excited to be an aunt. I will apologize in advance to my friends, as I will be a little MIA after she is born. But it's all good, good changes....
Stefanie and I in the ocean in Mexico-she is so preggers!
My sister is super preggers too! (I love to touch her tummy!)
Me and sweet Luci in Mexico. I love this kid!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Grounded
There is something to be said about staying put. I have been such a wanderer in my heart for most of my life, a pursuer of the next adventure. I love daydreaming, getting lost in the imagination of the unknown, and traveling to mysterious places in my mind. I love the thought of travel, the unknown experience and possibilities that lie ahead. The prospect of exploring a new country always intrigues me. In fact, I keep a top five in my head of the places I want to go. (Ireland, India, northern Canada, Alaska, South Africa-and I want to experience the rainforest with my sister) However, when I was traversing Europe this summer I experienced something I am not familiar with. A desire to go back and continue doing the things I was before: house hunting in North Minneapolis, working with Beautiful, investing in my church. The usual place i find myself in is perpetual adventurer: loving the travel, letting it spark my heart for more travel, to pursue the next thing when i get back, and a general discontentment in regular life and contentment in looking forward to the next trip. But this time, no, I wanted to go back to what I was ALREADY doing. It caught me by such a surprise. It was so confirming that, yes, God was grounding me. And I was already where He wanted me to be. I think there is a peace, and a longing, that is found when you are in God's desires for you. I had not found that peace before, and I was longing to stay in it. I am still in it, in fact, and it is new to me. New to be enjoying the day by day, not looking for the next trip, and being fine right where I am. Don't mistake me-I still LOVE traveling. Everything about it. And i still desire it for the future. But right now I am going to be here, 100%. I love learning about other cultures, and feeding that global desire I have. But i can do that as I live here, in the place I love the most, Minnesota.
I am starting Aveda on Tuesday, and because that program is 10 months i know i will renew my lease here in August. Which means Ill be her for 2 years. At least! It is good to know I will be grounded for awhile, and really be invested. It is strange to be happy about this, but I am. That is how I know God is in it. It is less my desires, and more His, and I am happy because I am in Him. Not because of where i am, or what i am doing.
I started to feel a little ungrounded this last week, I am not sure from what. But it is interesting what cured it. I had to do wedding hair in St. Cloud on Saturday morning. i have not been up there in years. I had to leave my house around 5:45am, and I enjoyed an unfamiliar drive in solitude, lit by the moon, mostly by myself on the rode. It was peaceful, alone, and just the dose of quiet travel I needed to settle my soul. It seems weird, but I love that sort of thing and it is just what i needed.
Here are a few pics from Covenant Pines, one of my favorite most life-giving places.
I am starting Aveda on Tuesday, and because that program is 10 months i know i will renew my lease here in August. Which means Ill be her for 2 years. At least! It is good to know I will be grounded for awhile, and really be invested. It is strange to be happy about this, but I am. That is how I know God is in it. It is less my desires, and more His, and I am happy because I am in Him. Not because of where i am, or what i am doing.
I started to feel a little ungrounded this last week, I am not sure from what. But it is interesting what cured it. I had to do wedding hair in St. Cloud on Saturday morning. i have not been up there in years. I had to leave my house around 5:45am, and I enjoyed an unfamiliar drive in solitude, lit by the moon, mostly by myself on the rode. It was peaceful, alone, and just the dose of quiet travel I needed to settle my soul. It seems weird, but I love that sort of thing and it is just what i needed.
Here are a few pics from Covenant Pines, one of my favorite most life-giving places.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
thoughts on solitude
God has taught me a lot about solitude in the past year and a half. In fact, my life has been transformed by it. I began intentionally seeking God out in solitude in fall 2007, mostly because I felt Him asking me to stop being so busy, and also because I had more time on my hands. I ended up stopping a lot of excess activities I had going on in my life, even though i didn't want to, in order to find more rest in my Creator. This is hard for me-i spent the previous 5 years being so busy i barely had time to breath. The spare time i had i quickly thought up ways i could be spending my time, only to have God remind me i made this spare time for a reason-to spend with Him. I realized something really important in that restlessness-I found a lot of my self-worth in being busy. I felt as though if I spent all my spare time volunteering, meeting people for coffee, and attending lots of church services that i was pleasing God. Don't get me wrong, those were all good things. I think God is pleased with volunteering, keeping up with people, and enriching our minds with sermons and corporate worship. However, as much as God likes what we DO for Him, more than that I think He asks us to just BE for Him. I heard Him saying "Heidi, please, I just want YOU. I want your devotion, come be in my presence. Stop doing for me, and start being for me."
This was incredibly transformational for me. I spent time in my apartment with just a candle lit and me. Sitting there. In awkward silence. I had to make the first move and talk first. Just me and God. If you are one who does this all the time, congratulations. But for me, this was uncomfortable. I at least have music on. But after awhile, the solitude became a place of holiness where God began to speak to my heart. While affirming who I am in Him, I began to hear His heartbeat more. I began to understand His daily call on my life-not that I need to figure out His ultimate "plan" for my life, but listen to His plans for the world, and join in. Just join in. Let Him lead me step by step, join in faith, and see the path that unfolds before my eyes.
I was nervous to take those first steps, but God has provided all the way. I can't believe what He has laid before me, and it is awesome to know He will continue to make a way for the future. I just have to be connected with Him daily, seeking Him intimately. That's all. So much more simple than I could have ever imagined.
At 24, I am continually more in awe of this God I have being serving pretty much my whole life. He just keeps getting better and better. The goodness overwhelms me, and after 24 years of knowing Him, I feel as though I am just brushing the surface.
It is so rich and beautiful, He is so faithful. How am I worthy of this?
This was incredibly transformational for me. I spent time in my apartment with just a candle lit and me. Sitting there. In awkward silence. I had to make the first move and talk first. Just me and God. If you are one who does this all the time, congratulations. But for me, this was uncomfortable. I at least have music on. But after awhile, the solitude became a place of holiness where God began to speak to my heart. While affirming who I am in Him, I began to hear His heartbeat more. I began to understand His daily call on my life-not that I need to figure out His ultimate "plan" for my life, but listen to His plans for the world, and join in. Just join in. Let Him lead me step by step, join in faith, and see the path that unfolds before my eyes.
I was nervous to take those first steps, but God has provided all the way. I can't believe what He has laid before me, and it is awesome to know He will continue to make a way for the future. I just have to be connected with Him daily, seeking Him intimately. That's all. So much more simple than I could have ever imagined.
At 24, I am continually more in awe of this God I have being serving pretty much my whole life. He just keeps getting better and better. The goodness overwhelms me, and after 24 years of knowing Him, I feel as though I am just brushing the surface.
It is so rich and beautiful, He is so faithful. How am I worthy of this?
Saturday, January 03, 2009
thoughts on provision
I experience God's provision daily. I have experienced Him in significant ways providing for me for a variety of things that I cannot comprehend, and lately has been no exception.
I am privileged to have always had my needs met. We may not have had a lot of money growing up, but I was still somehow able to play hockey, and never really had actual financial hardships that affected me as a child. We didn't go on vacation, I didn't wear Calvin Klein, I didn't have my own car-but I was always provided for by my parents as was very comfortable. They instilled in me a good sense with money, learning to be frugal and not being to always afford everything. I am very grateful for my upbringing and I value the fact that we didn't above what we needed.
Because of a series of factors in my family, I began Bethel University under a lot of financial aid, and by the end all the loans were paid off. I live debt free. That is one of the most, if not the most, valuable and priceless gifts I have ever received.
Because of that, I was able to go to Kenya. I had to raise all my own support, and I received EXACTLY the amount I needed.
God has always provided ways financially for me, and I continue to trust Him and try to offer anything I have extra up to Him, and let Him show me how to use it. I have found God to be extremely faithful to always provide a way. The more I have stepped out in faith, God has equally met my financial needs in greater ways. This fall has been the toughest for me financially because I have not been able to find full time work. However I know God was called me to move here, and I have to trust that the money for rent will come every month. And the rest of my bills, for that matter. If God truly wants me here, He'll make a way.
Since October, I have bought full groceries once. It has been amazing to see God provide food for me through others when I don't have food or extra money to buy some. Just when I have been getting down to my last dollar, a check has come through that I have been waiting for. November came and my trust got a little shakey, and once again God came through in big ways with providing haircuts for me to do, and a random cleaning job that paid just enough. I raked leaves for two weeks for heavens sake and that got me through! Why should I ever doubt? Two weeks ago my tire went flat and I went in to get a new one, thinking a coverage I have would cover it. Turns out they only cover it if it is because of a nail or something like that, and my tire didn't have any nail-so it would cost $120.00 that I don't have. When the mechanic came out, he winked and told me they "found a nail...." What????? I mean, I can go on and on, but I always have just what I need.
Not many people know the type of issues I have been having in getting loans to go to Aveda Institute. Not a lot of places give loans for Aveda, and the places that do give only loans that go directly to the school. This is a problem for me because I have to take out a loan for personal expenses too because I am not working full time enough to cover my bills. The one and only loan that would work needed a cosigner. Guess who doesn't have any cosigner? Me. My dad won't do it, I don't have close extended family, I don't feel comfortable asking friends. I had one aunt i felt might work, and she got denied. I had one other option to ask my uncle, and he said no. The loan place said this loan was really hard to get. Basically, I had exhausted all options (there are a lot more details to this story that i needed to leave out, but trust me....). This all came to a head yesterday and I am crying and feeling unsupported, foolish, and like I've hit a dead end. I didn't know the reality of me actually going to Aveda. I am finding this hard, because I feel as though God is really in this, that He gave me a vision for it, and my dream is finally coming through. But financially, I am stuck.
I decided to just give it a rest until tomorrow, because I am emotionally distraught and need a break from constantly loan searching in disappointment. Two hours later my best friend calls me and asks about the loans, and I update her in sadness.
It is complicated how this all happens-but basically through someone i trust greatly, and knows and supports me and what I am doing-offers me to use a loan that she has available to her for however much I need, and she writes me a blank check that I can get all the personal money I need right now. All of it. Over $10,000. Right now. Do you know that I need $1,500 dollars in cash by this Wednesday??? I also need 5 grand by next Wednesday? How was I supposed to do that???? Now I have everything I need until I am done with school, then I will pay this person back monthly like I would a loan, except I don't have to deal with any sort of back or loan person.
I could never have imagined this-nor did I know it was an option ever, and basically fell out of the sky from me. God absolutely provided %100 within TWO HOURS of a need. I started weeping. I cannot believe it, and I am still awestruck. I could go on and on, but I hope you can understand the capacity of this for me. God will make a way. I didn't realize how much this has been weighing on me, until I am walking around today feeling lighter-like a huge weight has been lifted off and I am free to move forward. I am overwhelmed by this overflow of God's grace and love into my life, from someone who receives His grace and love as well.
This not only shows me God's provision, but also His perfect timing, and how He knows the needs and uses His people to provide for His children. This is what makes community a beautiful thing, and what God's kingdom looks like. I am learning so much about this in my life right now, the value of tight community that is honest and authentic enough, humble enough, to ask and to give and share and to trust each other. To build the kingdom of God.
This is God's provision. How can I ever doubt? Why should I ever worry about it? It is not my life to begin with, I can only give it ALL back to my Provider.
Can you believe it????
Psalm 27:13-14 i am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"
I am privileged to have always had my needs met. We may not have had a lot of money growing up, but I was still somehow able to play hockey, and never really had actual financial hardships that affected me as a child. We didn't go on vacation, I didn't wear Calvin Klein, I didn't have my own car-but I was always provided for by my parents as was very comfortable. They instilled in me a good sense with money, learning to be frugal and not being to always afford everything. I am very grateful for my upbringing and I value the fact that we didn't above what we needed.
Because of a series of factors in my family, I began Bethel University under a lot of financial aid, and by the end all the loans were paid off. I live debt free. That is one of the most, if not the most, valuable and priceless gifts I have ever received.
Because of that, I was able to go to Kenya. I had to raise all my own support, and I received EXACTLY the amount I needed.
God has always provided ways financially for me, and I continue to trust Him and try to offer anything I have extra up to Him, and let Him show me how to use it. I have found God to be extremely faithful to always provide a way. The more I have stepped out in faith, God has equally met my financial needs in greater ways. This fall has been the toughest for me financially because I have not been able to find full time work. However I know God was called me to move here, and I have to trust that the money for rent will come every month. And the rest of my bills, for that matter. If God truly wants me here, He'll make a way.
Since October, I have bought full groceries once. It has been amazing to see God provide food for me through others when I don't have food or extra money to buy some. Just when I have been getting down to my last dollar, a check has come through that I have been waiting for. November came and my trust got a little shakey, and once again God came through in big ways with providing haircuts for me to do, and a random cleaning job that paid just enough. I raked leaves for two weeks for heavens sake and that got me through! Why should I ever doubt? Two weeks ago my tire went flat and I went in to get a new one, thinking a coverage I have would cover it. Turns out they only cover it if it is because of a nail or something like that, and my tire didn't have any nail-so it would cost $120.00 that I don't have. When the mechanic came out, he winked and told me they "found a nail...." What????? I mean, I can go on and on, but I always have just what I need.
Not many people know the type of issues I have been having in getting loans to go to Aveda Institute. Not a lot of places give loans for Aveda, and the places that do give only loans that go directly to the school. This is a problem for me because I have to take out a loan for personal expenses too because I am not working full time enough to cover my bills. The one and only loan that would work needed a cosigner. Guess who doesn't have any cosigner? Me. My dad won't do it, I don't have close extended family, I don't feel comfortable asking friends. I had one aunt i felt might work, and she got denied. I had one other option to ask my uncle, and he said no. The loan place said this loan was really hard to get. Basically, I had exhausted all options (there are a lot more details to this story that i needed to leave out, but trust me....). This all came to a head yesterday and I am crying and feeling unsupported, foolish, and like I've hit a dead end. I didn't know the reality of me actually going to Aveda. I am finding this hard, because I feel as though God is really in this, that He gave me a vision for it, and my dream is finally coming through. But financially, I am stuck.
I decided to just give it a rest until tomorrow, because I am emotionally distraught and need a break from constantly loan searching in disappointment. Two hours later my best friend calls me and asks about the loans, and I update her in sadness.
It is complicated how this all happens-but basically through someone i trust greatly, and knows and supports me and what I am doing-offers me to use a loan that she has available to her for however much I need, and she writes me a blank check that I can get all the personal money I need right now. All of it. Over $10,000. Right now. Do you know that I need $1,500 dollars in cash by this Wednesday??? I also need 5 grand by next Wednesday? How was I supposed to do that???? Now I have everything I need until I am done with school, then I will pay this person back monthly like I would a loan, except I don't have to deal with any sort of back or loan person.
I could never have imagined this-nor did I know it was an option ever, and basically fell out of the sky from me. God absolutely provided %100 within TWO HOURS of a need. I started weeping. I cannot believe it, and I am still awestruck. I could go on and on, but I hope you can understand the capacity of this for me. God will make a way. I didn't realize how much this has been weighing on me, until I am walking around today feeling lighter-like a huge weight has been lifted off and I am free to move forward. I am overwhelmed by this overflow of God's grace and love into my life, from someone who receives His grace and love as well.
This not only shows me God's provision, but also His perfect timing, and how He knows the needs and uses His people to provide for His children. This is what makes community a beautiful thing, and what God's kingdom looks like. I am learning so much about this in my life right now, the value of tight community that is honest and authentic enough, humble enough, to ask and to give and share and to trust each other. To build the kingdom of God.
This is God's provision. How can I ever doubt? Why should I ever worry about it? It is not my life to begin with, I can only give it ALL back to my Provider.
Can you believe it????
Psalm 27:13-14 i am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"
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