One of the biggest things I have been learning since moving to North Minneapolis and entering into intentional communities, is asking for help. I naturally have a self righteous tendency to not want help, not want anyone to offer me a favor, or anything of the like. This goes for a wide variety of things-from just getting help fixing something to asking for prayer to evening receiving something as simple as a back massage.
Anyway, it is something I am aware of and working on-and have had some good experiences in the past week to affirm that this is an area of my life where I need a lot of growth. I had a conversation with two of my mentors in the area of finance. I needed some sound advice and discernment from people who understand the practical and spiritual, and understand me and my life. I guess I didn't know what to expect, but most of the conversation ended up being about me being able to except the help of someone who loaned me money. I didn't realize how much guilt and weight I was feeling around that, and my faithful friends helped me to see how if we are truly trying to live a Kingdom centered life, then we are going to have to depend on one another. God desires for us to be connected and a community, and it is not possible to do this living in isolation. Even though I know that this person doesn't have any strings attached to this loan, and is lovingly let me pay on my own terms, I still have to overcome my natural feelings to let her give to me in this way. It takes me understanding that she knows the Spirit in me and can give out of the Spirit in her. That is the body of Christ.
After that conversation (which was a lot deeper than that, but that's the gist) I was able to experience community lived out in my neighborhood. I have to say I love Minnesota, especially the snow, and I think that it brings out the neighborlyness in people. (usually!) Anyway, I tried to plow out (in my little Saturn) of the end of my alley and got totally stuck. Overcoming my first instinct, I decided to knock on the alley-neighbor's door and ask for help. A friend, who is latino, came out to help me shovel. Soon we asked his mother to come out and help, who happens to only speak spanish. After that didn't work a man, who is black, pulled up to help push with his van. After he successfully pushed me back another neighbor came out of his house, who's accent told me he is clearly from another country, to help shovel. After all of this, I got out and we all cheered. How beautiful to have such a rich tapestry of people help me out, displaying the glorious design of the Creator in human beings and showing me again that it is in fact, okay to ask for help.
My pastor told me yesterday that if you are going to move into the hood you have to let people help you out. I am learning....
Friday, December 24, 2010
Monday, November 08, 2010
Sankofa
It's been a few weeks since I've gotten back from the Sankofa trip, and I would like to share as much as can about it.
On this trip through civil rights sights of the south, we are partnered with another person of a different ethnic background than ourselves. We are to journey together, eating together, going through the museums together, riding the bus together, and processing together. My partner was a woman named Deborah, in her 50's, who is of African American decent from Chicago, now living in Gary, Indiana. I was thankful to have someone older and wiser than I to journey with. I was actually one of the youngest on the trip. Everyone one else was late 30's and up to 72 I believe and a majority of folks had some sort of leadership in their church. I was more than grateful for the spiritual maturity of the group and all the wisdom that came with the years. It set a wonderful tone for our trip.
The whole experience is a whirlwind, as you meet in Chicago Thursday night, take a bus overnight to Alabama, then stay overnight in Jackson, Mississippi, then another busride overnight to Indiana from Tennessee. Then it's back to Chicago and on your way home Sunday late afternoon. Wow.
I went into the experience imagining a level of intensity that I had not experienced before, perhaps some breakdowns, and just to feel extreme emotions. After all, we watched intense movies on the bus, had open and raw communication as a group, visited civil rights museums, part of the underground railroad, and heard from folks who are were actually part of some of the marches.
After our debriefing on Sunday I felt sort of disappointed that this did not happen. I also felt unfinished in our conversation. It all happened so fast.
However, after I got home that night I sat in my bed and thought about the last 3 days. As I reflected on the events and mostly in the emotions and conversation shared among our group, I was thinking on the times in the past 3 years that I have experienced those emotions. And had those same conversations. In essence, the last 3 years of my life have seemed like a Sankofa journey. I have felt extreme emotions, I have had intense conversations, I have had often uncomfortable conversations, honest and raw, but uncomfortable. I have felt guilty, despair, hopeless. I have felt excited, honored, hopeful. I have had the immense privilege of journeying through with friends of a different ethnic background of my own.
After realizing that, my disappointment turned to gratitude as I thought of the Sankofa participants who journeyed with me, who were honest and vulnerable. Who took risks in conversation. Who let me into their lives. How else will I receive such insight, such sharing of thoughts and experience, on a subject that is too taboo to ever openly talk about without risking a relationship? I will always have the insight of my partner, who was a little girl when Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated and watched tanks roll down the street in her Chicago home. I have never met someone who lived through that and shared with me her personal experience of it! That is one example of the beautiful dialog that was shared on a long bus journey together by 40 people committed to being vulnerable. It is powerful.
So let me share with you some of the places we went and talked about, and had an impact on me. Some of these links are to the story of what happened, which is more important to understand in the context of our country's history and how that still affects us today.
Birmingham, Alabama: 16th Street Baptist Church
Ingram Park
Southern Poverty Law Center This place was particularly powerful, as it talks about hate crimes and issues of injustice today.
Spencer Perkins Center This place was so hopeful to go to, to see a people that are really working towards reconciliation and community development. We also got to talk to John Perkins, which was a joy. He founded the Christian Community Development Association, which I love and learn from.
National Civil Rights Museum
SlaveHaven This was my favorite sight, the most powerful, the place that is imprinted in my mind, and where I learned the most.
Edmund Pettus Bridge
Overall, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to go on this trip. I recommend to everyone. It was a wonderful part of my journey, and I am sure God has more in store for me through it!
My friend shared a quote with me the other day from Archbishop Desmond Tutu, that beautiful describes the struggle of journeying towards racial reconciliation.
"Forgiving and being reconciled to our enemies or our loved ones are not about pretending that things are other than they are. It is not about patting one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong. True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end only an honest confrontation with reality can bring real healing. Superficial reconciliation can bring only superficial healing."
On this trip through civil rights sights of the south, we are partnered with another person of a different ethnic background than ourselves. We are to journey together, eating together, going through the museums together, riding the bus together, and processing together. My partner was a woman named Deborah, in her 50's, who is of African American decent from Chicago, now living in Gary, Indiana. I was thankful to have someone older and wiser than I to journey with. I was actually one of the youngest on the trip. Everyone one else was late 30's and up to 72 I believe and a majority of folks had some sort of leadership in their church. I was more than grateful for the spiritual maturity of the group and all the wisdom that came with the years. It set a wonderful tone for our trip.
The whole experience is a whirlwind, as you meet in Chicago Thursday night, take a bus overnight to Alabama, then stay overnight in Jackson, Mississippi, then another busride overnight to Indiana from Tennessee. Then it's back to Chicago and on your way home Sunday late afternoon. Wow.
I went into the experience imagining a level of intensity that I had not experienced before, perhaps some breakdowns, and just to feel extreme emotions. After all, we watched intense movies on the bus, had open and raw communication as a group, visited civil rights museums, part of the underground railroad, and heard from folks who are were actually part of some of the marches.
After our debriefing on Sunday I felt sort of disappointed that this did not happen. I also felt unfinished in our conversation. It all happened so fast.
However, after I got home that night I sat in my bed and thought about the last 3 days. As I reflected on the events and mostly in the emotions and conversation shared among our group, I was thinking on the times in the past 3 years that I have experienced those emotions. And had those same conversations. In essence, the last 3 years of my life have seemed like a Sankofa journey. I have felt extreme emotions, I have had intense conversations, I have had often uncomfortable conversations, honest and raw, but uncomfortable. I have felt guilty, despair, hopeless. I have felt excited, honored, hopeful. I have had the immense privilege of journeying through with friends of a different ethnic background of my own.
After realizing that, my disappointment turned to gratitude as I thought of the Sankofa participants who journeyed with me, who were honest and vulnerable. Who took risks in conversation. Who let me into their lives. How else will I receive such insight, such sharing of thoughts and experience, on a subject that is too taboo to ever openly talk about without risking a relationship? I will always have the insight of my partner, who was a little girl when Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated and watched tanks roll down the street in her Chicago home. I have never met someone who lived through that and shared with me her personal experience of it! That is one example of the beautiful dialog that was shared on a long bus journey together by 40 people committed to being vulnerable. It is powerful.
So let me share with you some of the places we went and talked about, and had an impact on me. Some of these links are to the story of what happened, which is more important to understand in the context of our country's history and how that still affects us today.
Birmingham, Alabama: 16th Street Baptist Church
Ingram Park
Southern Poverty Law Center This place was particularly powerful, as it talks about hate crimes and issues of injustice today.
Spencer Perkins Center This place was so hopeful to go to, to see a people that are really working towards reconciliation and community development. We also got to talk to John Perkins, which was a joy. He founded the Christian Community Development Association, which I love and learn from.
National Civil Rights Museum
SlaveHaven This was my favorite sight, the most powerful, the place that is imprinted in my mind, and where I learned the most.
Edmund Pettus Bridge
Overall, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to go on this trip. I recommend to everyone. It was a wonderful part of my journey, and I am sure God has more in store for me through it!
My friend shared a quote with me the other day from Archbishop Desmond Tutu, that beautiful describes the struggle of journeying towards racial reconciliation.
"Forgiving and being reconciled to our enemies or our loved ones are not about pretending that things are other than they are. It is not about patting one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong. True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end only an honest confrontation with reality can bring real healing. Superficial reconciliation can bring only superficial healing."
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Story: Part 4
I struggled to find someone and place to live in North. I looked at a number of house, talked to different people, but nothing seemed to line up. I ended up deciding to live in an Urban Homeworks house, against my first instincts. It came down to it being my only option, even though I didn't want to live with 5 other people. Well, it ended up being a wonderful decision because Urban Homeworks is a fantastic organization and I learned so much being a part of it. It was a great place to grow and learn about living in the city intentionally, and provided a lot of resources and connections for me. To make a long story short, I started the Aveda Institute for cosmetology in January 2009, and continued to live in my Urban Homeworks house until August. Meanwhile I was still working for Sanctuary a little bit, substitute teaching minimally in Minneapolis Public Schools, and becoming more and more invested in Urban Jerusalem. This was formative for me for a number of reasons, but one huge one is that I was a minority at this church. As I started to invest more time, I spent more time with the Pastor (Stacey Jones) and get to know him more. We have had such crucial conversations about church, African American history and traditions pertaining to the church and just the culture in general. I have and am still learning many lessons in what it means to be a leader in a place that I have no cultural context for. I have been breaking down walls, assumptions, and personal issues I have had and not even known since serving in this church. God has done and is doing a great work in me through Urban Jerusalem and I stand in awe daily because of it.
Fast forward to August 2009-I move out of my house with 5 women and move in the the Jensen family. I have known Marque for awhile from working at the Sanctuary CDC, and just our paths crossing in many ways. He invited me to live with his family (I rent a room upstairs right there with the rest of the fam!) and I accepted, knowing that I couldn't afford my own place, I couldn't get any of my friends to move with me to North, and that this could be a fantastic opportunity. I really believe God prompted my heart prior to Marque asking me and led me against my own instincts to accept the invitation. Marque has intentionally lived in North for over 20 years with his family, has taught in the schools, founded and co-pastored a church in the community, and has dedicated his whole life to living in and among his community taking on their pains and burdens and fighting for justice alongside his brothers and sister. I greatly respect him as a man of faith, and was excited to have inside insight to how to live out the gospel in the daily ins and outs of life. What I didn't realize moving in was how valuable an experience I would receive in witnessing firsthand a healthy Godly marriage, and what a privledge I would have in mentoring their 15 year old daughter.
The beautiful part of all this is that when Marque started his church, he co-pastored with an African American man named Nate Orr. Their families meshed together as they lead a church and I know so much growth and learning took place in their relationship. When Pastor Stacey moved to Minnesota in his early 20's from Connecticut he not only lived with Marque for awhile, but also he lived with the Orr family as well. (I am not sure of the length, or details...) Stacey also pastored at their church. I also don't know all the capacities of that role, but I do know that Marque and Nate poured a lot of themselves into Stacey and they had (and have) and beautiful and dynamic friendship. Now I am living at Marque's and being mentored and poured into by Stacey-which I just feel like is so incredible because it is true generational community being lived out, and I cannot believe I get to be a part of it.
I have lived at Marque's for year now, am enjoying a really fun job at Salon on the Edge (a mile and half from our house!), serving part time at Urban Jerusalem, working a little for the CDC, and just finding more ways to be invested and serve where I live. I strive to be a learner everyday, ask questions, and never stop reading. I am convinced I am exactly where God wants me to be, and for the first time I am not looking forward but living in the present. I can't separate my faith from pursuing reconciliation and justice, and I know this is a lifelong journey. I know I have much more to learn and experience, but I am thankful for the relationships I have, for the desires of my heart that are unfolding before me, for the community that is part of who I am, and for the faithfulness of God who continues to guide the journey beyond and emotion and obstacle I encounter.
Ephesians 3 says:
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Fast forward to August 2009-I move out of my house with 5 women and move in the the Jensen family. I have known Marque for awhile from working at the Sanctuary CDC, and just our paths crossing in many ways. He invited me to live with his family (I rent a room upstairs right there with the rest of the fam!) and I accepted, knowing that I couldn't afford my own place, I couldn't get any of my friends to move with me to North, and that this could be a fantastic opportunity. I really believe God prompted my heart prior to Marque asking me and led me against my own instincts to accept the invitation. Marque has intentionally lived in North for over 20 years with his family, has taught in the schools, founded and co-pastored a church in the community, and has dedicated his whole life to living in and among his community taking on their pains and burdens and fighting for justice alongside his brothers and sister. I greatly respect him as a man of faith, and was excited to have inside insight to how to live out the gospel in the daily ins and outs of life. What I didn't realize moving in was how valuable an experience I would receive in witnessing firsthand a healthy Godly marriage, and what a privledge I would have in mentoring their 15 year old daughter.
The beautiful part of all this is that when Marque started his church, he co-pastored with an African American man named Nate Orr. Their families meshed together as they lead a church and I know so much growth and learning took place in their relationship. When Pastor Stacey moved to Minnesota in his early 20's from Connecticut he not only lived with Marque for awhile, but also he lived with the Orr family as well. (I am not sure of the length, or details...) Stacey also pastored at their church. I also don't know all the capacities of that role, but I do know that Marque and Nate poured a lot of themselves into Stacey and they had (and have) and beautiful and dynamic friendship. Now I am living at Marque's and being mentored and poured into by Stacey-which I just feel like is so incredible because it is true generational community being lived out, and I cannot believe I get to be a part of it.
I have lived at Marque's for year now, am enjoying a really fun job at Salon on the Edge (a mile and half from our house!), serving part time at Urban Jerusalem, working a little for the CDC, and just finding more ways to be invested and serve where I live. I strive to be a learner everyday, ask questions, and never stop reading. I am convinced I am exactly where God wants me to be, and for the first time I am not looking forward but living in the present. I can't separate my faith from pursuing reconciliation and justice, and I know this is a lifelong journey. I know I have much more to learn and experience, but I am thankful for the relationships I have, for the desires of my heart that are unfolding before me, for the community that is part of who I am, and for the faithfulness of God who continues to guide the journey beyond and emotion and obstacle I encounter.
Ephesians 3 says:
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Story: Part 3
4 Significant that changed me:
1. Working with Beautiful
Beautiful was a program done by the Sanctuary Community Development Cooperation (the church's non-profit organization) that functioned as an after school program for middle school girls. It helped develop a sense of identity, promoted positive self esteem, helped the girls dream about their futures, get homework help, and basically just empower them in who they are as young, primarily African American girls living in North Minneapolis. ( I think I mentioned this in my previous post) Anyway, as I started the fall committing to 3 days a week, two hours a day, I was hesitant in how it would go. But I stuck with in the entire school year, and in brief what happened was this: I learned. I learned to be patient. I learned that trust takes time, that relationships will develop with consistency. I learned that I did have something to bring to the table, and that above all I needed to stay true to who I am. I learned about a different culture-I learned family values, I learned norms, I learned family values, I learned more about the fabric of North Minneapolis because I was entering into relationship with it. I learned to listen, and to ask questions. What happened changed me, challenged me, and pushed me beyond my own comfort. It moved beyond after school and homework, and went to movie nights and mall dates. I saw homes and siblings. I heard fights and tears. Struggles and joys.
2. I started taking a class called City Matters while I was working with Beautiful, sponsored also by the Sanctuary CDC. It is a teaching and discussion group, 8 weeks, that talks about issues of race, poverty, location, culture, and justice in the city. We explored these topics, watched videos, read material, and learned so much. My eyes were completely opened in a new way, I was challenged more than I ever have been, and I could feel my whole perspective and worldview being shifted. I left each class in awe, in confusion, passionate, frustrated, sad, excited....wondering what was going to happen. The part that was significant for me was the fact that I was learning all these things about injustice, the whys, racial disparities, etc-all while experiencing it firsthand with the girls in Beautiful. One class in particular we talked about how the economy in North Minneapolis is bad because the dollar doesn't stay there-people work and shop outside of its walls, and there is so much rental properties and people living month to month that all the money just goes right back out. I thought to myself that I cannot afford to put money into programs/schools/etc. on the northside, but if I moved there, I could shop there, and my money that I bring in would go into the neighborhood. I also was wrestling with the fact that after I left Beautiful each day, and this class, I drove back to my cute apartment in a nice area of St Paul away from all the issues. It was then that I felt God starting to convict my heart to move to North Minneapolis.
3. I asked Tryenyse, who was the leader of Beautiful, on day over soup and coffee if she would want to hang out more intentionally, on a regular basis, in a more mentorship sort of way. Funny at the time I was nervous to ask her, but we had been seeing each other regularly at Beautiful, sometimes we drove together, and sometimes we talked about the class over coffee. I felt a sort of connection to her and really desired her wisdom in my life. She of responded very enthusiastically to my request and of course I was very excited! That was in August of 2008. Since then we have had a beautiful, intentional, and multi-level friendship that has blessed me beyond words. I have since became sort of "adopted" into their family and spend countless hours doing ministry with her, her husband Stacey, and their son Priest. It has been a safehaven to hash out any questions or frustrations I have, a place to be honest about race and culture, about faith, about anything. Stacy and Tryenyse have a church called Urban Jerusalem:The City of Peace, that I began to attend on occasion at that time as well. (Ill talk about that later.) Little did I know the immense impact they would have in my life. All I can say is as I was sitting at church, listening to Tryenyse and Stacey lead hip-hop worship, I knew God was telling me to seek out friendship with Tryenyse. I am so glad I listened.
4. During all this change, growth, and learning I had a lot of "alone" time. I sought out time to be quiet before the Lord and listen for His voice. I learned so much in this time. He wanted me to find identity in Him. He wanted me to seek His heart for the world, to learn about His kingdom, and to be aware of His work all around me. Instead of asking "what are God's plans for me?" the questions shifted to "what is God doing in His world, and how can I join in?" That questions changed everything. My eyes started to see what He sees, my heart beats for what his beats for...what it cries over....what it delights in. I began to see where I was most passionate and also see that "the future" isn't so laid out before me. In fact, I knew nothing of it. God was calling me to the present, to hear Him in the now, to abide in Him, then to trust Him, and obey. I didn't know what was before me, but I knew He is faithful. At that point I stopped looking so ahead and started waking up to each day fully.
In the fall of 2008 to spring of 2009, these aspects of life changed me the most. It was a turning point for me, and all those things happening in harmony really impacted me beyond what I thought possible. In June of 2009 I moved out of my St Paul apartment knowing I needed to move to North Minneapolis. Not moving there would be completely disobeying God, I knew that full well, however absolutely did not want to. But I trusted He knew me better than I new myself. I left for a 5 week backpacking trip through Europe, and came back in August to start the next chapter of my life.
1. Working with Beautiful
Beautiful was a program done by the Sanctuary Community Development Cooperation (the church's non-profit organization) that functioned as an after school program for middle school girls. It helped develop a sense of identity, promoted positive self esteem, helped the girls dream about their futures, get homework help, and basically just empower them in who they are as young, primarily African American girls living in North Minneapolis. ( I think I mentioned this in my previous post) Anyway, as I started the fall committing to 3 days a week, two hours a day, I was hesitant in how it would go. But I stuck with in the entire school year, and in brief what happened was this: I learned. I learned to be patient. I learned that trust takes time, that relationships will develop with consistency. I learned that I did have something to bring to the table, and that above all I needed to stay true to who I am. I learned about a different culture-I learned family values, I learned norms, I learned family values, I learned more about the fabric of North Minneapolis because I was entering into relationship with it. I learned to listen, and to ask questions. What happened changed me, challenged me, and pushed me beyond my own comfort. It moved beyond after school and homework, and went to movie nights and mall dates. I saw homes and siblings. I heard fights and tears. Struggles and joys.
2. I started taking a class called City Matters while I was working with Beautiful, sponsored also by the Sanctuary CDC. It is a teaching and discussion group, 8 weeks, that talks about issues of race, poverty, location, culture, and justice in the city. We explored these topics, watched videos, read material, and learned so much. My eyes were completely opened in a new way, I was challenged more than I ever have been, and I could feel my whole perspective and worldview being shifted. I left each class in awe, in confusion, passionate, frustrated, sad, excited....wondering what was going to happen. The part that was significant for me was the fact that I was learning all these things about injustice, the whys, racial disparities, etc-all while experiencing it firsthand with the girls in Beautiful. One class in particular we talked about how the economy in North Minneapolis is bad because the dollar doesn't stay there-people work and shop outside of its walls, and there is so much rental properties and people living month to month that all the money just goes right back out. I thought to myself that I cannot afford to put money into programs/schools/etc. on the northside, but if I moved there, I could shop there, and my money that I bring in would go into the neighborhood. I also was wrestling with the fact that after I left Beautiful each day, and this class, I drove back to my cute apartment in a nice area of St Paul away from all the issues. It was then that I felt God starting to convict my heart to move to North Minneapolis.
3. I asked Tryenyse, who was the leader of Beautiful, on day over soup and coffee if she would want to hang out more intentionally, on a regular basis, in a more mentorship sort of way. Funny at the time I was nervous to ask her, but we had been seeing each other regularly at Beautiful, sometimes we drove together, and sometimes we talked about the class over coffee. I felt a sort of connection to her and really desired her wisdom in my life. She of responded very enthusiastically to my request and of course I was very excited! That was in August of 2008. Since then we have had a beautiful, intentional, and multi-level friendship that has blessed me beyond words. I have since became sort of "adopted" into their family and spend countless hours doing ministry with her, her husband Stacey, and their son Priest. It has been a safehaven to hash out any questions or frustrations I have, a place to be honest about race and culture, about faith, about anything. Stacy and Tryenyse have a church called Urban Jerusalem:The City of Peace, that I began to attend on occasion at that time as well. (Ill talk about that later.) Little did I know the immense impact they would have in my life. All I can say is as I was sitting at church, listening to Tryenyse and Stacey lead hip-hop worship, I knew God was telling me to seek out friendship with Tryenyse. I am so glad I listened.
4. During all this change, growth, and learning I had a lot of "alone" time. I sought out time to be quiet before the Lord and listen for His voice. I learned so much in this time. He wanted me to find identity in Him. He wanted me to seek His heart for the world, to learn about His kingdom, and to be aware of His work all around me. Instead of asking "what are God's plans for me?" the questions shifted to "what is God doing in His world, and how can I join in?" That questions changed everything. My eyes started to see what He sees, my heart beats for what his beats for...what it cries over....what it delights in. I began to see where I was most passionate and also see that "the future" isn't so laid out before me. In fact, I knew nothing of it. God was calling me to the present, to hear Him in the now, to abide in Him, then to trust Him, and obey. I didn't know what was before me, but I knew He is faithful. At that point I stopped looking so ahead and started waking up to each day fully.
In the fall of 2008 to spring of 2009, these aspects of life changed me the most. It was a turning point for me, and all those things happening in harmony really impacted me beyond what I thought possible. In June of 2009 I moved out of my St Paul apartment knowing I needed to move to North Minneapolis. Not moving there would be completely disobeying God, I knew that full well, however absolutely did not want to. But I trusted He knew me better than I new myself. I left for a 5 week backpacking trip through Europe, and came back in August to start the next chapter of my life.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Story: Part 2
Going to Kenya was a dream, and I had high hopes for a life-changing experience that met all my expectations (don't we all??). To make a really long story short, my experience was everything I didn't expect and all I didn't hope for, full of disappointments, frustrations, and confusion. (My blogs from Kenya are in the archives if you care to venture into them....) It took me a full year to process it. The overall message was this: I thought I would want to be a full time missionary, I thought I would be doing great things, and I thought I would be changed as I made a difference. I didn't make one bit of difference, I saw no fruit, I was sad all the time, I was lonely and cried. I didn't understand my purpose, I felt useless. I gained no passion. God has a way of humbling us, and teaching us through humility and mercy. Spending 3 months with only God to comfort is a unique opportunity, as well as not doing anything we would consider productive. God was calling me to himself, teaching me to be a learner, and ultimately to find my worth ONLY in Him. My identity cannot and must not come from being a missionary or anything else. Coming back from that trip I knew two things, I wanted to be in a more diverse setting, and I was ready to be productive again (I didn't know at the time that wasn't exactly the point...).
I threw myself into a millions things: Trying to keep up with every friend, two jobs, coaching hockey, volunteering at Gillette Children and the Salvation Army, trying to go to mass weekly, and getting involved at Sanctuary Covenant Church (www.sanctuarycov.org) by volunteering in a few areas. I chose to settle at Sanctuary for three reasons-I needed to finally just pick a church and stay put, I wanted to be at a covenant church, and it was an intentionally diverse community with music I really connected with.
I kept up this crazy routine for about 6 or 7 months until two friends called me out. I remember sitting on Leah's bed with Steph and Leah at my side, and gently telling me I needed to stop. They prayed for me, and from there I decided to have one job and one volunteer thing. In hindsight, I was doing all these things that made me worthy after the shameful experience of having nothing to tell after being in Africa. To be busy with different jobs and volunteering gave me so much purpose and worth-I didn't have to think about it I could just rest in that.
I started working at a school in northeast Minneapolis as a Special Ed teacher assistant. I was in an almost all African-American and African school with almost all white staff in a very Somali neighborhood. I was really excited about this, and eventually let go of my other two jobs to just be working 30 hours a week at the school. The volunteer experience I decided to stick with was at Sanctuary's Community Development Cooperation. It was a group for girls called Beautiful http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI-fkkH-4NQ At this point I had volunteered one hour a week through the spring of 2007, and I had decided to stick with it for this upcoming school year (2010). I have to say this was actually the one volunteer thing I was sort of unsure of, because I was the most uncomfortable in it and seemingly useless. But I felt God told me to stay with it, so that is why I chose that.
I need to stop to say a word about Beautiful here. When I started with it was at a school in North Minneapolis (which was an area of town I didn't realize existed). I showed up at the school, my second time on the northside, and nervously entered into the building that said "Jambo!" (A swahili greeting, which is the language of Kenya) on the door. I was immediately startled by the all the students flooding the halls-none being white. Besides one white teacher I eventually saw, all staff and students were black. I was very aware of my whiteness. About 15 girls met in the library lead by a woman named Tryenyse, and there I sat. Listening to middle school aged girls get worked up about everything and anything, speaking so fast, and using so much slang that I missed have of what was being said. Week after week I came, listening, not sure how to contribute, how to interact, and being very uncomfortable in my own skin. I remained quiet, asked Tryenyse sometimes what different phrases meant, and was able to offer up my one contribution: have a manicure day. Great, glad I could paint their nails and really influence their life. We finished the school year and I went on to help a little in the summer. We were at a different school this time, so I got lost plenty of times in North Minneapolis. I really liked Tryenyse, and like the girls that were in the program, I just felt very unsure of myself, shy, and mostly observant. So, when the summer was done and the opportunity to continue on through the fall came, I was hesitant, but followed what God was asking.
So I started fall of 2007 living in the highland area of St. Paul (my dream living situation) in a cutesy apartment with my dear friend Mel, working in Northeast in a diverse school, attending Sanctuary, and volunteering 3 days a week for Beautiful at a school called Afrocentric Academy with Tryenyse and another woman named Stacie. There are four significant things that happened in this year (from fall 2007-spring 2008) that shaped so much of where I am now: working with Beautiful, asking Tryenyse to mentor me, spending intentional time just being before the Lord and listening, and taking a class starting in January of 2008 called City Matters.
I threw myself into a millions things: Trying to keep up with every friend, two jobs, coaching hockey, volunteering at Gillette Children and the Salvation Army, trying to go to mass weekly, and getting involved at Sanctuary Covenant Church (www.sanctuarycov.org) by volunteering in a few areas. I chose to settle at Sanctuary for three reasons-I needed to finally just pick a church and stay put, I wanted to be at a covenant church, and it was an intentionally diverse community with music I really connected with.
I kept up this crazy routine for about 6 or 7 months until two friends called me out. I remember sitting on Leah's bed with Steph and Leah at my side, and gently telling me I needed to stop. They prayed for me, and from there I decided to have one job and one volunteer thing. In hindsight, I was doing all these things that made me worthy after the shameful experience of having nothing to tell after being in Africa. To be busy with different jobs and volunteering gave me so much purpose and worth-I didn't have to think about it I could just rest in that.
I started working at a school in northeast Minneapolis as a Special Ed teacher assistant. I was in an almost all African-American and African school with almost all white staff in a very Somali neighborhood. I was really excited about this, and eventually let go of my other two jobs to just be working 30 hours a week at the school. The volunteer experience I decided to stick with was at Sanctuary's Community Development Cooperation. It was a group for girls called Beautiful http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI-fkkH-4NQ At this point I had volunteered one hour a week through the spring of 2007, and I had decided to stick with it for this upcoming school year (2010). I have to say this was actually the one volunteer thing I was sort of unsure of, because I was the most uncomfortable in it and seemingly useless. But I felt God told me to stay with it, so that is why I chose that.
I need to stop to say a word about Beautiful here. When I started with it was at a school in North Minneapolis (which was an area of town I didn't realize existed). I showed up at the school, my second time on the northside, and nervously entered into the building that said "Jambo!" (A swahili greeting, which is the language of Kenya) on the door. I was immediately startled by the all the students flooding the halls-none being white. Besides one white teacher I eventually saw, all staff and students were black. I was very aware of my whiteness. About 15 girls met in the library lead by a woman named Tryenyse, and there I sat. Listening to middle school aged girls get worked up about everything and anything, speaking so fast, and using so much slang that I missed have of what was being said. Week after week I came, listening, not sure how to contribute, how to interact, and being very uncomfortable in my own skin. I remained quiet, asked Tryenyse sometimes what different phrases meant, and was able to offer up my one contribution: have a manicure day. Great, glad I could paint their nails and really influence their life. We finished the school year and I went on to help a little in the summer. We were at a different school this time, so I got lost plenty of times in North Minneapolis. I really liked Tryenyse, and like the girls that were in the program, I just felt very unsure of myself, shy, and mostly observant. So, when the summer was done and the opportunity to continue on through the fall came, I was hesitant, but followed what God was asking.
So I started fall of 2007 living in the highland area of St. Paul (my dream living situation) in a cutesy apartment with my dear friend Mel, working in Northeast in a diverse school, attending Sanctuary, and volunteering 3 days a week for Beautiful at a school called Afrocentric Academy with Tryenyse and another woman named Stacie. There are four significant things that happened in this year (from fall 2007-spring 2008) that shaped so much of where I am now: working with Beautiful, asking Tryenyse to mentor me, spending intentional time just being before the Lord and listening, and taking a class starting in January of 2008 called City Matters.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
My Story (Part 1)
I am going to share my journey of the last three years, and the events that lead up to it. I am really excited about the places God has been taking me, and I find this is an easier way to share the intricacies of His faithfulness, as well as remember and reflect on the journey as I live it out.
There was something about African culture that always intrigued me growing up. I can recall three specific things that shaped a lot of my thoughts. In Sunday School at Maplewood Covenant Church we had some sort of VBS program when I was in elementary school, and the theme revolved somehow around African Safari. I remembering watching a video that was somewhere in Africa, and the cardboard display that was in the front of the fellowship hall. Jungle, lions, and probably more-but whatever it was it sparked something deep within me that told me I had to go there.
Not too long after that I started reading a series we had in our church library about a young girl whose parents were missionaries in Kenya, and the adventures she created for herself in that beautiful country. It was then I knew I had to go to Africa.
The time line is blurry, but at one point in my youth I read the American Girl Doll book series about a little girl named Addie, who was born into slavery. The books take you on the journey of her life as she escapes slavery and tries to begin a new life with her family as free people.
In my mind I didn't know the depth of the connection I was making with African culture and African American, but there was an excitement I had about African culture, and an profound sorrow for the state of African American's in the United States during and after slavery. My young mind developed an interest in the history of the oppressed, and I continued to read historical fiction that centered around slavery. Meanwhile, I imagined myself as Addie on her journey, as well as more lighthearted play with a rather diverse group of dolls and barbies I had collected.
Now, growing up I could count the number of black people I knew on my right hand. I didn't ever question why that was, or imagine that oppression could exist today in the ways it has in the past. I understood slavery as an event that already took place and was over and done. I also didn't know anything of the civil rights movement and how recent that was history. What I knew was what read-history. What I knew is what I saw-easy, "reconciled", rich diversity on television. The Cosby Show for one. I wondered how to get thick pig-tails like Rudy or long rope-y hair like Denise. LaVar Burton brought a great tapestry to my imagination on Reading Rainbow. The most poignant memory I have is of Sesame Street. There was one scenario where there is a little white girl who lives in the suburbs with a black friend. First, the black friend visits the white girl and they play at her house. I honesty don't remember what they do there. What I recall with distinction is the white girl visiting the black girl, who lives in the city on a busy street with tall apartments. The mom spends time rapidly braiding the girls' hair, they have black barbies to play with, and then they go outside and double dutch on the sidewalk. That is what I wanted. (Little did I know that in May 1970, a state commission in Mississippi voted to ban Sesame Street. A member of the commission revealed the vote to the New York Times, saying that "Mississippi was not yet ready" for the show's integrated cast.)
I am sure there was probably more, those are the instances I can remember that made me desire the justice for slavery, seeing the city, and going to Kenya. Traveling to Kenya was really high on my list, so when I had a chance to choose my own in adventure in college Africa made my list.
I went to Urbana, a mission conference in 2003, and was determined to find an organization to travel with to Africa. I went to all the booths that had Africa on the list, and one in particular stuck out to me. After meeting with a representative, I knew I could finally make my dream come true. I originally had plans to go for three weeks in the summer of 2005, but that didn't work out and I ended up making a 3 month trip in the fall of 2006. What was to come was not at all what I had anticipated or could have imagined.
There was something about African culture that always intrigued me growing up. I can recall three specific things that shaped a lot of my thoughts. In Sunday School at Maplewood Covenant Church we had some sort of VBS program when I was in elementary school, and the theme revolved somehow around African Safari. I remembering watching a video that was somewhere in Africa, and the cardboard display that was in the front of the fellowship hall. Jungle, lions, and probably more-but whatever it was it sparked something deep within me that told me I had to go there.
Not too long after that I started reading a series we had in our church library about a young girl whose parents were missionaries in Kenya, and the adventures she created for herself in that beautiful country. It was then I knew I had to go to Africa.
The time line is blurry, but at one point in my youth I read the American Girl Doll book series about a little girl named Addie, who was born into slavery. The books take you on the journey of her life as she escapes slavery and tries to begin a new life with her family as free people.
In my mind I didn't know the depth of the connection I was making with African culture and African American, but there was an excitement I had about African culture, and an profound sorrow for the state of African American's in the United States during and after slavery. My young mind developed an interest in the history of the oppressed, and I continued to read historical fiction that centered around slavery. Meanwhile, I imagined myself as Addie on her journey, as well as more lighthearted play with a rather diverse group of dolls and barbies I had collected.
Now, growing up I could count the number of black people I knew on my right hand. I didn't ever question why that was, or imagine that oppression could exist today in the ways it has in the past. I understood slavery as an event that already took place and was over and done. I also didn't know anything of the civil rights movement and how recent that was history. What I knew was what read-history. What I knew is what I saw-easy, "reconciled", rich diversity on television. The Cosby Show for one. I wondered how to get thick pig-tails like Rudy or long rope-y hair like Denise. LaVar Burton brought a great tapestry to my imagination on Reading Rainbow. The most poignant memory I have is of Sesame Street. There was one scenario where there is a little white girl who lives in the suburbs with a black friend. First, the black friend visits the white girl and they play at her house. I honesty don't remember what they do there. What I recall with distinction is the white girl visiting the black girl, who lives in the city on a busy street with tall apartments. The mom spends time rapidly braiding the girls' hair, they have black barbies to play with, and then they go outside and double dutch on the sidewalk. That is what I wanted. (Little did I know that in May 1970, a state commission in Mississippi voted to ban Sesame Street. A member of the commission revealed the vote to the New York Times, saying that "Mississippi was not yet ready" for the show's integrated cast.)
I am sure there was probably more, those are the instances I can remember that made me desire the justice for slavery, seeing the city, and going to Kenya. Traveling to Kenya was really high on my list, so when I had a chance to choose my own in adventure in college Africa made my list.
I went to Urbana, a mission conference in 2003, and was determined to find an organization to travel with to Africa. I went to all the booths that had Africa on the list, and one in particular stuck out to me. After meeting with a representative, I knew I could finally make my dream come true. I originally had plans to go for three weeks in the summer of 2005, but that didn't work out and I ended up making a 3 month trip in the fall of 2006. What was to come was not at all what I had anticipated or could have imagined.
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