God has taught me a lot about solitude in the past year and a half. In fact, my life has been transformed by it. I began intentionally seeking God out in solitude in fall 2007, mostly because I felt Him asking me to stop being so busy, and also because I had more time on my hands. I ended up stopping a lot of excess activities I had going on in my life, even though i didn't want to, in order to find more rest in my Creator. This is hard for me-i spent the previous 5 years being so busy i barely had time to breath. The spare time i had i quickly thought up ways i could be spending my time, only to have God remind me i made this spare time for a reason-to spend with Him. I realized something really important in that restlessness-I found a lot of my self-worth in being busy. I felt as though if I spent all my spare time volunteering, meeting people for coffee, and attending lots of church services that i was pleasing God. Don't get me wrong, those were all good things. I think God is pleased with volunteering, keeping up with people, and enriching our minds with sermons and corporate worship. However, as much as God likes what we DO for Him, more than that I think He asks us to just BE for Him. I heard Him saying "Heidi, please, I just want YOU. I want your devotion, come be in my presence. Stop doing for me, and start being for me."
This was incredibly transformational for me. I spent time in my apartment with just a candle lit and me. Sitting there. In awkward silence. I had to make the first move and talk first. Just me and God. If you are one who does this all the time, congratulations. But for me, this was uncomfortable. I at least have music on. But after awhile, the solitude became a place of holiness where God began to speak to my heart. While affirming who I am in Him, I began to hear His heartbeat more. I began to understand His daily call on my life-not that I need to figure out His ultimate "plan" for my life, but listen to His plans for the world, and join in. Just join in. Let Him lead me step by step, join in faith, and see the path that unfolds before my eyes.
I was nervous to take those first steps, but God has provided all the way. I can't believe what He has laid before me, and it is awesome to know He will continue to make a way for the future. I just have to be connected with Him daily, seeking Him intimately. That's all. So much more simple than I could have ever imagined.
At 24, I am continually more in awe of this God I have being serving pretty much my whole life. He just keeps getting better and better. The goodness overwhelms me, and after 24 years of knowing Him, I feel as though I am just brushing the surface.
It is so rich and beautiful, He is so faithful. How am I worthy of this?
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