thoughts on provision

I experience God's provision daily. I have experienced Him in significant ways providing for me for a variety of things that I cannot comprehend, and lately has been no exception.

I am privileged to have always had my needs met. We may not have had a lot of money growing up, but I was still somehow able to play hockey, and never really had actual financial hardships that affected me as a child. We didn't go on vacation, I didn't wear Calvin Klein, I didn't have my own car-but I was always provided for by my parents as was very comfortable. They instilled in me a good sense with money, learning to be frugal and not being to always afford everything. I am very grateful for my upbringing and I value the fact that we didn't above what we needed.

Because of a series of factors in my family, I began Bethel University under a lot of financial aid, and by the end all the loans were paid off. I live debt free. That is one of the most, if not the most, valuable and priceless gifts I have ever received.

Because of that, I was able to go to Kenya. I had to raise all my own support, and I received EXACTLY the amount I needed.

God has always provided ways financially for me, and I continue to trust Him and try to offer anything I have extra up to Him, and let Him show me how to use it. I have found God to be extremely faithful to always provide a way. The more I have stepped out in faith, God has equally met my financial needs in greater ways. This fall has been the toughest for me financially because I have not been able to find full time work. However I know God was called me to move here, and I have to trust that the money for rent will come every month. And the rest of my bills, for that matter. If God truly wants me here, He'll make a way.

Since October, I have bought full groceries once. It has been amazing to see God provide food for me through others when I don't have food or extra money to buy some. Just when I have been getting down to my last dollar, a check has come through that I have been waiting for. November came and my trust got a little shakey, and once again God came through in big ways with providing haircuts for me to do, and a random cleaning job that paid just enough. I raked leaves for two weeks for heavens sake and that got me through! Why should I ever doubt? Two weeks ago my tire went flat and I went in to get a new one, thinking a coverage I have would cover it. Turns out they only cover it if it is because of a nail or something like that, and my tire didn't have any nail-so it would cost $120.00 that I don't have. When the mechanic came out, he winked and told me they "found a nail...." What????? I mean, I can go on and on, but I always have just what I need.

Not many people know the type of issues I have been having in getting loans to go to Aveda Institute. Not a lot of places give loans for Aveda, and the places that do give only loans that go directly to the school. This is a problem for me because I have to take out a loan for personal expenses too because I am not working full time enough to cover my bills. The one and only loan that would work needed a cosigner. Guess who doesn't have any cosigner? Me. My dad won't do it, I don't have close extended family, I don't feel comfortable asking friends. I had one aunt i felt might work, and she got denied. I had one other option to ask my uncle, and he said no. The loan place said this loan was really hard to get. Basically, I had exhausted all options (there are a lot more details to this story that i needed to leave out, but trust me....). This all came to a head yesterday and I am crying and feeling unsupported, foolish, and like I've hit a dead end. I didn't know the reality of me actually going to Aveda. I am finding this hard, because I feel as though God is really in this, that He gave me a vision for it, and my dream is finally coming through. But financially, I am stuck.

I decided to just give it a rest until tomorrow, because I am emotionally distraught and need a break from constantly loan searching in disappointment. Two hours later my best friend calls me and asks about the loans, and I update her in sadness.

It is complicated how this all happens-but basically through someone i trust greatly, and knows and supports me and what I am doing-offers me to use a loan that she has available to her for however much I need, and she writes me a blank check that I can get all the personal money I need right now. All of it. Over $10,000. Right now. Do you know that I need $1,500 dollars in cash by this Wednesday??? I also need 5 grand by next Wednesday? How was I supposed to do that???? Now I have everything I need until I am done with school, then I will pay this person back monthly like I would a loan, except I don't have to deal with any sort of back or loan person.

I could never have imagined this-nor did I know it was an option ever, and basically fell out of the sky from me. God absolutely provided %100 within TWO HOURS of a need. I started weeping. I cannot believe it, and I am still awestruck. I could go on and on, but I hope you can understand the capacity of this for me. God will make a way. I didn't realize how much this has been weighing on me, until I am walking around today feeling lighter-like a huge weight has been lifted off and I am free to move forward. I am overwhelmed by this overflow of God's grace and love into my life, from someone who receives His grace and love as well.

This not only shows me God's provision, but also His perfect timing, and how He knows the needs and uses His people to provide for His children. This is what makes community a beautiful thing, and what God's kingdom looks like. I am learning so much about this in my life right now, the value of tight community that is honest and authentic enough, humble enough, to ask and to give and share and to trust each other. To build the kingdom of God.

This is God's provision. How can I ever doubt? Why should I ever worry about it? It is not my life to begin with, I can only give it ALL back to my Provider.

Can you believe it????

Psalm 27:13-14 i am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"