Will I trust?

Last Saturday night my car was stolen while I was at an event in my neighborhood. I think my keys fell out of my purse while I was walking in, and then someone picked them up and figured out they belonged to my car and took off. My friend Tryenyse was with me and all her music business stuff was in the backseat, including her laptop. All of my hair supplies were in the trunk, plus countless other things as I basically treat my trunk like a garage. Tears were shed, police were called, and many people prayed. I felt so uplifted by the prayer and concern of those around me. I didn't quite let the reality of not getting the car back enter my mind-I decided to give myself a week of hoping for its return. I only have liability insurance, and it doesn't cover a stolen car...so not only was I looking at hundreds of dollars in replacing my hair supplies and other things, I was also out the only asset to my name. Here's the thing though-I have always wondered what this day would look like. How will I handle adversity? How will I handle trials? I can't afford a new car or new hair supplies. And actually, everything in my life is in question right now and the last thing I want to deal with is this. I have been trying to buy a house for a year now-and just when I thought things were looking up because I qualified for a special program through Wells Fargo to get $15,000...they told me I didn't get approved for a mortgage loan. I was approved through a different agency, but that doesn't matter because Wells Fargo has to approve me to receive the grant money. The salon I have been at for a year is undergoing a lot of change, and while people are great there, I am working my way and into something else...to what? I don't know. My church is on a sabbatical for the time being, so the energy I have put there is sort of hanging in a space of unknown for now. My family is another series of ups and downs. So, I am not sure where to live or where to work or where to worship or what to do. And my computer is SO slow. (Okay that doesn't really matter, but it's annoying...) So my hands go up, my head goes down, and I say "Lord, do what you want with me. I don't know anything." Now back to the car. The car I have was a gift. It was never mine to begin with, and I told the Lord He can use it for whatever He would like. And He has shown me how to do just that. When it was stolen, I said well-it wasn't mine anyway, so Lord you are going to have to provide me with what I need to do what you want me to do. The lyric "My Shepherd will supply my need, Jehovah is His name..." keeps running through my head. I was put to a true test of my trust in Him. Do I trust with the one thing I actually own? Do I trust Him to provide financially? Do I trust Him to give me what I need to do what I think He has called me to do? When I started asking myself these questions, it led me down a deeper path. What do I really own? What is my life after all? The Bible teaches me that I am not my own, that anyone who loses their life will find it, that to die to self is to gain in Christ...and on and on. I am nothing apart of Christ. Nothing. The car is a means to do what God is calling, just like anything material. There is still breath in me, therefore I will rejoice in my Creator and trust Him. Did the foundation break? No! Is the Rock broken? No! And I stand on the Rock, the faithful One. My wonderful friend, G-Shep, spotted my car 10 blocks from my house while driving his afternoon bus route. I was doing wedding hair and didn't answer the phone, but Tryenyse and her husband Stacey went over to confirm that it was my car. It was, and it was in the same condition I left it in. All my stuff was still in the trunk, but all of Tryeynse's stuff was gone. They had to tow it to the Minneapolis impound lot since I was unavailable. And there it sits now...as I have to find a mechanic to change all the locks before I can take it out. The people that stole it still have the keys (the only keys as a matter of fact) and since they live near me I don't want to take any chances. So I sit here in my bed, feeling mixed emotions. Sad for my friend who lost her precious things, glad that the car was returned in good condition, prayerful that God will provide the money I need to change the locks and and pay the impound lot, and overwhelmed with the feelings I am holding about trusting in God. The way I feel now is the same as yesterday, and the same as last Saturday. I cannot trust in what will happen, what I have planned, what career move I make next, what house I think I can buy....I cannot trust in my health, in being "happy", and a ministry. I can't even trust that people I love will be around me tomorrow or I'll live to see another day. This whole experience, as small and unimportant as it is, has pointed me back, once again, to trust completely and entirely in God-the One who holds all things together, who knows my desires and dreams, who loves me with an unconditional love and calls me His own. No matter what I want to accomplish, plan out, make, dream, whatever-it means nothing apart from Him. The peace of Christ is ruling my mind...and it is beyond my understanding. I pray that it permeates everything I do. Car or no car....I just want to know Him and have Him know me.

"The sure provisions of my God Attend me all my days; O may Thy house be my abode, And all my work be praise! There would I find a settled rest, While others go and come; No more a stranger, nor a guest, But like a child at home."